Patron God of Tricksters
by Steal My Soul 7767
Summary: They always said that the punishment should fit the crime. It's a sacred law almost, really, but there are a few exceptions. And when you're a god, unusual circumstances abound. Sasuke, Patron god of hatred, is about to realize that hate has a fluffy side
1. Chapter 1

Yo! Couldn't resist sticking this one out there. It's not very far along but I've been in a funk and writing humor will be a bit difficult. Yes, this is a humorous story but keeping it strong without some encouraging reviewers will probably make me forget about it. I hate when that happens but as long as you think it's funny, I'l keep writing. I don't own Naruto, and hit me back if this sounds familiar to anyone else's story!

Patron God of Tricksters

Chapter One. In Which There Comes A Choice Between A Rock And A Hard Place

"Uchiha Sasuke, you are being brought before this Council of Elders and your Hokage to defend your actions over the course of the last six months that resulted in your capture two days ago.

Your charges are listed as : defying direct orders, theft from the armory, the release of nine Demons, temporary defection to the Kurayami, the deaths and required resurrections of seven Patrons, and knowledge and possession of Kurayami techniques, weaponry, and seals.

How do you defend your actions?"

He shifted the heavy chains draped around his shoulders, wrists, legs and torso. He flicked his eyes to each of the twelve Elders and then to the blonde woman in the middle. She was watching him with pleading eyes, silently asking him to give a good honest answer. She obviously didn't want him to be his normal self. Too bad she didn't know him better.

"I was bored." He shrugged as they gasped and glared.

"This is not a time for sarcasm, Uchiha!" An Elder banged the table with a fist to punctuate his sentence. "You are on a boundary between permanent isolation and a frozen non-obligatory resurrection."

He stared at the man drolly, before addressing her, "Hokage-sama, what is expected of me to say? I regret nothing that I've done so apologies are rather redundant."

She scowled and he felt oddly satisfied. "Uchiha, there better be a reason for this activity. I will not just dismiss this as your nature or as your boredom."

"Then sentence me. I've nothing left to say."

Angry tirades began, ranging from pleading with the Uchiha to defend himself to cruel punishments befitting his crimes. Tsunade held up a hand to stop the voices.

"Very well. Uchiha Sasuke, Patron God of Hatred and Revenge, you are asking this council and your Hokage to sentence you without a full trial, correct?"

"Yes, Hokage-sama." It was mocking.

"Then your wish shall be granted. The council will adjourn until a decision is reached. You are to remain in the care of Hatake Kakashi until our decision is final. Escort him back to the prisoner holding cells."

Thirteen people in black robes vanished through the door behind the table. Two guards came and unbound the locks holding his chains to the ground. They took his elbows and pulled him down the aisles. He shouldered them off and walked before them.

"I want him locked away! Chakra sealed, possessions confiscated, isolation!"

"But think of everything the Uchihas have done for us. Surely we can't lock away their last heir. Who will continue the line? They're needed!"

"We have Itachi! We can use him to continue the Uchihas! The youngest son is of no consequence!"

"I don't want him isolated. Too many owe him their lives."

"We can't ignore the deeds he has done!"

Tsunade rubbed her temples. God of Hatred and Revenge indeed. What could they do to both punish him into proper humility and be light enough to stay on Itachi's good side? They couldn't have two renegade Uchihas. She was going to enjoy punishing the arrogant god.

"What can they do to me, Kakashi?"

"Worried?"

A snort. "Hardly. I just want an idea. I'm overdue a vacation."

Kakashi just grinned and shook his head. "I don't believe that's the outlook to take."

Another snort. "Yeah, right. They're too scared of what Itachi would do if they did something drastic and if they did something light, they'd be setting an awful example."

"Well, yours is a unique case. I don't believe they've ever had a renegade return in good graces. The only case with a renegade they've ever had though was a good seventeen years ago."

"What happened then?" It was a dry tone, interested only in the slightest. Kakashi shifted his back against the bars and glanced over his shoulder. The youngest Uchiha was still sitting on the bed, bound still in chains but as Kakashi watched, the raven slid them off like one would remove a jacket and gloves.

"Then, the renegade god was sentenced to live on Earth inside a human, tying their lives together. But he's trapped as far as the council is concerned. It's impossible for him to speak with the human host unless the host is aware of it. So, excellent vacation, ne?"

A grunt of agreement. "Doesn't sound so bad."

"You weren't exactly polite to the council, Sasuke. You are aware that you can't hide behind your name like a shield, correct?"

He jumped to the left when chains were aimed through the bars of his cell. He grinned and caught them as the were drawn back in.

"I know you don't do that." He shrugged. "But, honestly, Sasuke, what are you trying to do here?"

"How can you be satisfied living like this Kakashi?"

"Like how? Sasuke, you're going to have to be specific."

"Look outside, Kakashi." He walked to the window, chains dragging across the floor as he went. "Every day it's the same weather, the same people. It's perfect here, Kakashi. And I hate it."

"You hate a great deal of things." He commented. "But that's untrue. Things change here all the time. There are more people here each day, there's the war with the Kurayami. Nothing here is the same. But the weather of course."

"You know what I meant, Kakashi!" He snapped back, turning cold red eyes to his temporary guardian. "I can't live here. What am I supposed to do with my time, Kakashi? Grace my worshipers with my presence? Fight the Kurayami? Work hard and raise a family? That's all bullshit, Kakashi."

"For many, that's all they want. When was the last time you visited your temple? When was the last time you fought against the Kurayami? When did you last even look at a woman?"

"My temple was torn down in the rise of Christianity, Kakashi. I'm a pagan god, and unlike some, I can't have the luxury of being an elemental god as well. I have worshipers in criminals and teens. The Kurayami are no longer my enemies, regardless of what they've done in the past, and I despise those females that flock after me like I'm a prize."

Kakashi laughed silently and dropped the chain he was still holding, letting the Uchiha take it back. He stayed out of range though.

"Yes, being Elemental God of Lightning has perks."

"And being the youngest Uchiha has perks as well. I could do as I pleased. Why am I only now getting my hands slapped?"

"You joined our enemies, Sasuke. You leaned from their teachings, you used that knowledge to kill and wasted seven Patron resurrections. You were given too much free rein. You know that."

"I would do it again. This is not all black and white, Kakashi. I wouldn't be here if I believed in black and white. There are shades of grey. But I'm not as ignorant as to use that to justify myself either."

"You're not. But that still doesn't explain it. You have yet to tell me why."

He kept silent. "I'm not going to say why, Kakashi."

He nodded. The silver-haired god sank back against the cell bars, pulling out a book and ignoring the renegade god.

The raven picked the chains back up, arranging them back into their original positions. He took a seat on the bed and stared at the sky through the windows. He would welcome what ever punishment they decided to give.

"Uchiha Sasuke. We have made a decision in regarding your punishment. We cannot ignore the acts you have done before this that have indebted many to you but we also cannot let that sway us. We have run our choice by your brother and he has given us his affirmation.

"The last time we implemented the punishment it proved quite effective…"

He was bored already. Did they have to dress this up into something so ridiculous?

"However, it has come to our attention that this practice is considered barbaric so we have chosen another host for you."

Wait, host? They were throwing some party? What did they need a host for?

"Therefore, we have chosen something a bit more hardy as you need to be tested. Uchiha Sasuke, you will spend fifty years as humans count on Earth…"

Ah, a vacation.

"…As a cat."

WHAT THE HELL?!!!

X-X-X-X-V-X-X

Like it? Hit me back just to chat! Or whatever really! ((If you're looking for really good reading material to fill you with writer-pride, read Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury. All I want to do now is write!))


	2. Chapter 2

Yo! Sorry for not updating. Since I'm finished with Golden Flames I've been updating more of my other stories. It'll take a little longer, but I'll finish them. I'm sure there's a disclaimer around here somewhere. Look back a chapter, it may be there...

Chapter Two In Which A Tail, Fluffy Ears and Four Legs are the Least of Your Worries

"We have chosen this as a cat is noted to have nine lives. Using this superstition, we will give you nine deaths as a cat over the course of fifty years. If you can retain at least one of those nine lives, you will have served the sentence. Upon your tenth death, you will be sent back up before this council and sentenced to the maximum punishment.

There is only one rule and that is you are not allowed to contact any in Heaven. If you use your telekinesis to contact any God in Heaven, your punishment will be enacted immediately."

His face was doing a wonderful job of maintaining his indifferent mask but inside he was freaking out. Life on Earth as a cat?! What the hell was Itachi thinking when he agreed to this?!

"The punishment of Uchiha Sasuke, Patron God of Hatred and Revenge, has been decided. This council is adjourned. Kakashi, bring the Uchiha with you to the Gate." Tsunade hit the gavel on the bench once and twelve councilmen and women left the courtroom, Kakashi entering at the sound.

He was still in slight shock but allowed the Lightning God to guide him to the Eighth Gate. Earth's Gate. Tsunade was already waiting with Jiraiya. Suddenly the chains felt heavier. But he was an Uchiha, dammit, and they took things head on. He swallowed the diverse emotions like a weird and twisted mixed drink and donned his mask. Fifty years wouldn't be so bad. Even as a cat. Would they?

The Uchiha was familiar enough with the layout of Heaven so it was ridiculous to have Kakashi as a guide. But that wasn't his job, anyway. Kakashi's job was bodyguard. Because the Uchiha was infamous for having fangirls. No sane person walked with the Uchiha through Konoha streets. But a person could equally argue that Kakashi was not sane.

And the fact that Sasuke was a traitor to Heaven only made the girls more frantic. It seemed that the bad boy image he was projecting, the whole chains, locks, and dark glower, were making more rivers of saliva flow than the pin-up Itachi had made of his brother in the shower. And that made the Oceans of Earth look like puddles.

Tsunade was waiting at the gate with the God of Sealing and the God of Music. The Godly Trio of Heaven. Name still a work in progress. Tsunade was standing before the Gate, waiting to open it, Jiraiya was impatiently holding an hourglass and Orochimaru was spinning a band of beads around one finger.

"Yo!" Kakashi shoved Sasuke forward, panting heavily and glaring at Tsunade. "I'm not even going to ask what made me the prime candidate for escorting Sasuke."

Tsunade smirked. "I told you to stay out of bath houses…" Kakashi frowned and pointedly glared at Jiraiya. The pervert king himself was whistling innocently. Man was never accused of peeping. Lucky bastard.

"I'm sure you're familiar with the whole Gate process so I'm not going to explain. Jiraiya's got the clock. It'll be our time keeper here in Heaven and this will be yours. Orochimaru."

"Yes, yes, Tsunade." The serpent-faced man nodded and glided over to the boy. He slid the beads around the Uchiha's arm as Kakashi removed chains. There were nine red beads mixed alternately between black beads.

"Each time you die, a bead will be destroyed. I'm only going to give you one bit of advice, Sasuke. Stay far away from the other container that the errant god of seventeen years ago was placed inside. We've never had a case like this, but only bad things will occur if you interact with the child. Stay away from him, Sasuke." Tsunade waited for his nod and then lifted the key from her pocket.

She inserted it into the gate and with a click, it began to open. "Remember everything we have told you, Sasuke."

"See you in fifty years, Sasuke-kun." Kakashi waved, a cheery grin under his mask.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't punk." And with that, Jiraiya gave him the boot. Literally. He made a mental note to kill that perverted bastard in fifty years as he fell through the portal and downward to Earth. He hit the first layer of clouds, and like always, all the godly powers he possessed stuttered and he passed out from deprived senses.

X-X-X-X-V-X-X

"Come on, Kiba! Keep up!"

"Screw you!"

"Can't the dog-boy keep pace with little ol' me?" He roared obnoxiously over the resulting string of curses. He hauled himself up over the tree branch and slid between two that had fallen on one another. Kiba's dog was still a bit of ground away. But he was smaller than they were so it was easier for the mutt to get through the dead forest.

"Fox boy?! Hey! Naruto!" Kiba's voice was still a bit behind him and he waited. "Hey! You know, there's that shrine or whatever out here. When we get Akamaru, let's go there, huh?"

"Yeah sure. You just want to finish the collage you're making to your crush." Naruto replied back. The dog boy dropped out of the tree behind him, making him start for effect. He'd heard the dog boy make a huge racket being 'stealthy'.

"Come on. Let's get your mutt." He pulled himself up another tree and climbed through the vast network of solid branches and loosely hanging vines. Akamaru was throwing a fit up ahead.

X-X-X-X-V-X-X

He came to with a headache, slightly groggy and shivering. He tried to sit up but only succeeded in falling more over himself. He hissed nastily at the pain and curled inward to stop the nausea. His eyes slid open when he felt something shove at him. He jumped up when he saw dark amber eyes.

And a black nose that shoved him again. He pulled himself up and backed away, snarling curses at the creature that loomed over him.

/Who the hell are you?!/

Amber eyes narrowed and lips pulled back into a small snarl. /Isn't it proper to introduce yourself first? What are you doing here in my territory anyway?/

/What?!/ He looked around briefly, easily recognizing where he was. /This is my territory, you dumbass. This has been mine since it was built./

A harsh snort and a harder nudge. /Whatever, cat. Name and community so I know who to hunt down after I drive you off./

He pulled himself up to his tallest height, that being only under two feet. The dog stood like a mountain over him, lips pulled back, eye teeth flashing. He hissed again.

/I'm Uchiha Sasuke, mutt. And I own this temple. This is my shrine. This is my home now. Get the hell away from it, me, and never darken my doorstep again. / He felt his back arch up and his fur fluff out. He felt the cold beads around his neck and the cold ground beneath his feet.

/I'm Akamaru. I own this land. My humans own this land and it's past time for you to leave. I'm not going to sit here and listen to a pathetic excuse for a ball of fur order me around like he was Gammabunta./ The dog had dove at him before he moved.

He felt teeth in his fur and breath hot on his body. There was pain before he struck out, claws sinking into tender flesh around the ears and nose. He twisted and scratched, trying to get away. The dog pulled back briefly then charged again, catching him by his hind leg. He yowled angrily, pain registering in the back of his mind. He pulled it out and took off, running for the interior of his temple.

Things had changed since he last visited and because he was limping, dizzy and had a rabies-infected mongrel chasing him, he didn't stop to watch the scenery. He was frantically racing through the cracked stones and foliage that staked claim over his shrine.

He tripped as his leg gave out and hot breath at the tip of his tail. He pulled ahead and clumsily climbed up the steps, knowing it would eat time but there was a back exit that would be near impassable now. He squirmed through the cracks in a wall and grit his teeth together when he pulled his leg even more. Damn dog. He wasn't even here a day yet.

He slid into the shadows as he heard paw steps. He kept moving, in the shadows and over ledges until he made it outside. His body twitched and he was shoved forward. He watched lips pull back into a satisfied snarl as he fell from the small cliffs behind his temple. His body struck water and he lost consciousness once more.

X-X-X-X-V-X-X

"About time we found you, Akamaru." Kiba lifted the small dog up to his shoulders and let the dog give him a greeting. "So, temple?"

He nodded and let the dog-boy lead the way.


	3. Chapter 3

Yo! I've been buried in the depths of Prince of Tennis for two weeks reading the manga and watching the anime so I've been neglecting my poor fanfics. I'm sorry. So here's chapter 3 for your reading pleasure. Don't worry. It'll pick up soon. Enjoy! Ja'ne!

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Chapter Three.** In Which There Is No Place Like Home, No Place Like Home, No Place Like Home...

Maybe if he just took off his shoes he could reach it. The water was still really shallow there and if he was careful, he could get the thing without falling in and soaking his clothes. He decided to roll them up a bit to be on the safe side.

"Hey, Kiba? Watch my stuff for a bit, okay?" Not bothering to wait on confirmation, he climbed down the rocky bank and to the river's edge. He kept his eyes trained on the thing snagged in the water.

He slid his shoes off and set them to the side. He grabbed onto the limb jutting over the bank and used that to steady himself as he went further and further out into the river. He kept a tight hold on the branch tip and leaned out as far as he could, but his fingers barely brushed the thing. He put more weight back and stretched himself nearly horizontal to the river water below.

His jacket dipped gently into the water and a dark stain was starting. He didn't care though. He curled his fingers around it, got a hold and pulled it through the water, the current making it easier to haul it over.

He tucked it against his wet sleeve and began wading back to the shore. He hauled himself up and placed the thing on the bank beside him.

"Hey, Naruto? What are you doing?" Kiba was climbing down the slope to the bank and Akamaru was barking unhappily on his shoulder.

"I pulled something out of the river."

"Well, duh." Akamaru began struggling and barking and growling angrily. "What's the matter with you?"

"I think he doesn't like what I've pulled out." He lift the thing up and studied it. "I think it's a cat, actually."

It was too. There was a bead necklace around its neck so it belonged to someone. And the faint movement meant that it was breathing. Nearly drowned but breathing.

"So what are you going to do with it? It's not dead is it? You're not seriously thinking about keeping it though, are you?"

"I might. Its got a collar so someone's probably looking for it. I guess I can take it in to the pound or something. Maybe put up flyers. I bet there might be a cash reward for it." He tucked it into his arm and scowled at Akamaru as he began snarling again.

"Whatever dude. Just keep the rat away from me and 'maru." He began placating his dog and glanced up. "We need to start heading back, Naruto. Come on, fox-boy."

"Okay. I need to get him cleaned up anyway." He nodded and began leading the way back to town.

X-X-X-X-V-X-X

Okay, he needed new milk. He picked up the bowl he'd just filled with clumpy and smelly milk and rinsed it out in the sink. The cat he'd pulled out of the river was wrapped in a bundle of towels and placed by his heater so it wouldn't catch pneumonia or something.

"Well, damn." He tossed the spoiled container into the trash and pulled open his fridge. "What else do cats eat?"

He could use any extra cash he could get so he would put up flyers but something was telling him he'd wind up with a live-in pet. He made it a rule in the past not to keep any pets because they became too much of a hassle and too expensive for him to care for. He'd asked his guardian for a pet and received a pet rock he'd named "Spot" in return. This was going to be a whole new ballgame.

"Fish? Cats like fish right?" He mumbled to himself, pulling out a container of tuna from his cabinet. He began to crank it open and poured it out onto a plate, walking to his living room. He placed the saucer on the table and gingerly picked up the cat, towel bundle and all. He settled it in his lap before selecting a piece of tuna from the plate and placing it under the cat's nose.

He watched it twitch and the dark eyes slowly open, a faint red tinged black outlining the slitted pupil. The eyes were as unfocused as a cat's could be before tiny ivory teeth were devouring the fish. It was also ravenously hungry, clearing the saucer of fish in the space of time it took Naruto to down a mini-ramen. It still seemed hungry, as it lapped at the tuna-flavored water on the plate, but it didn't cry or rub his hand to ask for more. Instead it gave him a cold look that basically commanded him to get more.

"Well, sorry, girl, but there isn't anymore. I wasn't planning on picking up a pet so consider yourself lucky I had that." He frowned as its eyes went darker red but snorted. "Glare all you want still won't change the fact that I've got nothing else to give."

The cat turned up its nose at him and proceeded to pull out of the towels he was buried in and walk to the window. It hopped up to the ledge and stared down at the street.

"Great." He muttered. Antisocial little bugger. Wasn't he so lucky to have picked it up? He walked over to the table and picked up the disposable camera. He took a test shot of his couch and then headed over to the window. He took a picture of the cat, making sure the collar was visible, and put it back down.

It hadn't even been a day with the thing yet and he was already bored out of his mind with it.

X-X-X-X-V-X-X

"So, any calls about the cat yet, fox boy?"

He looked up at his best friend and snorted. "Yeah, I'm so rid of the prissy little bundle of joy. See the parting gift?" He pulled the uniform's sleeve up and saw Kiba wince at the long scratches up his arms.

"Ouch. What you do, try to give it a bath?"

"No. I tried to pet the little bastard. I hope someone calls fast or I'm throwing the thing out."

"Naruto-kun!"

He looked up in shock to see a pink-haired girl run up to his desk with a trio of others behind her. Unlike normal, she wasn't angry or irritated. She seemed to be actually happy to see him. Which meant that she had ulterior motives. Yippee.

"Uh, yeah, Sakura-chan?"

"Where did you find him?! He's so cute!" A flyer was shoved into his face and squeals stung his ears. "You've got to take us to see him later, Naruto-kun! Today after school, okay? Thanks so much Naruto-kun!"

He was left momentarily stunned as the four girls began to babble rapidly about the cat as they migrated to Sakura's desk, leaving him and Kiba in their wake.

"Was that the scariest thing ever, or what?" He nodded absently to Kiba's equally stunned question and scowled at the flyer they had left behind. The thing looked so bloody innocent and fragile in the picture, looking almost afraid and homesick, which he knew not to be true. If anything, it was the complete opposite. The little cretin was going to be the death of him, his furniture and his sanity. Well, if he looked on the bright side, he'd have girls all over him because of the little thing.

"I'd say look on the bright side, but there really isn't one."

"Huh? Did you just miss that? They're flocking to me because of the little bugger."

"Yeah, but did you miss the part where you're advertising that it's lost? That its owner will come to collect it and suddenly you're the guy who'd just given away the cutest thing in existence?"

Oh yeah. There was that little technicality. He wasn't above taking down all the flyers and keeping the thing but he knew he couldn't do that. What if it belonged to someone who really cared for it? What if they really missed the little guy? Then where would he be? He'd feel awful and worse than if he kept the thing.


	4. Chapter 4

Yo! All I can say about this is...enjoy!

**Chapter Four** In Which Hearing Voices Inside Your Head Can Only Bode Ill

He'd only spent three days here and he already hated the place. It was worse than nightmarish. It was worse than anything he'd ever had to deal with when he lived with the Kurayami. Everything in this hell was...orange. And he knew for a fact that "Hell" was much more sophisticated in the furnishings department. It was actually very tasteful. This place...even the curtains were a shade of orange that screamed "I chose these with my eyes closed".

The person who picked him up...well, he could honestly say he'd met no one as insane as this kid. Not even Gaara. And that bastard was a walking homicide. The most honest thing that he could say about the kid was that he had pulled him out of the river, fed him and saved his eight cat lives. Only eight...and he'd been on Earth how long? A few days? At this rate, he might as well call for Kakashi and get this over quickly. It hurt to die and he wasn't a masochist.

He was sitting in the window, watching the cars below go by. He was pretty familiar with Earth's rapid changing, considering he had little else to do after the rise of Christianity. His temple...he couldn't believe the disarray that place was in. He remembered when it gleamed in dark marble and smelled of incense and blood. It had been relaxing. His worshipers were always very generous with their sacrifices; he could recall one case when he'd been given the still beating heart of a woman's adulterer husband...good times, good times. She'd been very pretty too...Anyway, he was digressing.

What he wasn't familiar with, the television provided him with a pretty good overview. It only had a few channels but one was very informative. He hadn't been around much the last couple of centuries but enough to piece together the human's history. He could recall with good memory the number of times he'd supplied help in the numerous wars, feeling justified and useful.

The kid who picked him up though. His story was a little vague. There weren't enough personal effects in the apartment for him to have lived here for more than a few years or it was packed away. He was betting the former. The blond had picked up a few things for the care of cats. Like cat food, cat litter, a cat box, cat shampoo... Yeah, this whole situation was very embarrassing. At least the box was in the bathroom and the blond never went in while he was in there. It would have topped off Sasuke's humiliation, whether he knew it or not. Anyway, he had put his foot...er, paw...down when it came to the collar. He already had one on, those stupid beads, and he was damned if he was going to wear some neon orange noose.

The blond was gone for most of the day, school most likely, considering the papers he brought home, ignored, and then spent the very precious five minutes in the morning finishing. Why he lived alone was a pretty big mystery since he seemed too young to be of legal age, but who knew what that was anymore? It seemed like every time he looked back, the kids living alone got younger and younger...He wondered if Itachi was busier than normal in this age.

His tail flicked behind him, something he had no control over. But, his ears twitched forward and his whiskers straightened. Someone was home. That someone being the blond. Hopefully.

"Ah, just, make yourselves at home, I guess." The idiot was holding the door open and scratching the back of his head in an irritating way. His tail bristled out as soon as he caught the scent...Girls, and lots of them. He ran. He actually made it to the top of the entertainment center and the curtain rod before they entered the apartment. A new personal best. He would have taken time to congratulate himself but the most horrible screeching had his ears flattening in pain.

"Naruto! Where is he?!" She had pink hair. Pink. What was the world coming to? At least the other girls had more natural colors...

"He's, uh, he's...Where is he?" He was scanning the room, ducking his head into the other rooms. The brunette boy with the dog from before shut the door after them.

"He's in here, Naruto. Must have heard us and hid."

"Where?"

"Curtain rod, dude." Kiba pointed. Sasuke's bristled tail waved threateningly. His narrowed eyes settled on the boy and his dog. He made a mental note to scratch the hell out of them before they left.

"Dammit." Naruto muttered. He grabbed a chair, under the girl's eager eyes, and climbed on it to stand on equal ground with the raven-furred cat. "Easy. Easy, boy. Come on. Come down. It'll be fine. I'll get you."

He resisted the urge to roll his eyes, which would have been pointless anyway because he was sure cats couldn't do that. Not that he was about to try. He popped his claws out as the hands came closer, batting them in a clearly non-playful way.

"Aww! He wants to play!"

Which the girls couldn't understand. The blond seemed to though as he looked decidedly more wary of those sharp claws. The girls fluttered impatiently below and the blonde's resolve strengthened. He grabbed the back of Sasuke's scruff, causing him to let out a yowl of surprise, and held him out. The Pink girl's arms shot out and scooped him up, squealing happily. The other girls swarmed around him, making cooing noises and talking in irritating baby voices.

Naruto felt a little bad for the thing, but then he looked at his arms and those feelings just vanished. He followed Kiba into the kitchen and passed the dog-boy a soda. The squealing started up again and they flinched.

"Dude, I'd sleep with one eye open tonight. Cats are real vindictive creatures." Kiba rubbed Akamaru's head proudly. "Unlike dogs, they hold a grudge. I think it's supposed to be like seven years long too..."

"Great. Just what I need." Naruto muttered. "I kinda felt bad earlier but not anymore. Little bastard had it coming."

"Hey, Naruto!" Sakura appeared in the kitchen. She, unlike himself, wasn't sporting any scratches. Surprisingly. "Do you have any treats?"

"Uh, yeah. Here." He passed her the bag of crunchy kitty treats and watched her run back out, holding the bag close.

The blond was going to die. He felt gross. There were so many scents over him, he felt like he'd been dipped in sludge. Those girls were leaving now, finally accepting defeat after he ran away again. The blond shut the door, smile falling off his lips. He looked at the black cat warily. Those dark red eyes were a bright glowing crimson. The cat stretched languidly, eyes locked on his. There was an intelligence in those eyes that wasn't in normal cats.

"I think I'm going to bed. Uh, night, cat." He ran to his door, slamming it shut and collapsing against it. He took a deep breath and looked up. "Holy hell!"

The cat was licking his paw, those sharp claws flashing in the light. It curled up at the end of his bed, eyes locked on his. He shivered, and shakingly approached the bed. He was about in the bed when he saw, honest to god, the cat smirk. Then, a whirlwind of claws and teeth, attached itself to his arm. He struggled with it for a few more minutes before the cat jumped away suddenly, eyes wide and ran to the door.

It scratched at it, and, wanting more than ever to keep the cat out of his room until he was rid of the thing, he opened it and watched the cat run to the window. It vanished behind the curtain and he shut the door. He never realized, as he went to the drawer beside his bed to get the first aid, that his eyes were bright red and slitted like a cat's.

Sasuke, meanwhile, was hyperventilating. That smell, it scared him. It just screamed danger. Very strong, very powerful danger. His cat instincts took over, wanting as much space between him and that smell. He curled in on himself, letting the terror pass. He'd deal with the smell later.

/So, you've got a new pet, kit./

'Who are you?'

/No one. Keep an eye on this one. I like him./

'Who are you?!'

/Go to sleep, kit. We'll talk again soon./

That was the alarm clock, he realized. Damn it! He was late!


	5. Chapter 5

Yo! Here's the next installment! Please enjoy! Disclaimer, Disclaimer, Where For Art Thou Disclaimer?! (lame joke, yes, I know). Can anyone guess where the "Church of Any Eventuality" came from? Bonus points if you know!

**Chapter Five.** In Which Adoptive Fathers Have Poor Taste

"Hello. You've reached the Church of Any Eventuality. This is Father Naruto. Leave your name and number." His ears perked up when he heard the blond's voice in the apartment but realized it was coming from the box on top of the counter. His eyes turned forward when he heard an older man's voice follow it after a loud beep.

"Naruto, when I said 'Change your outgoing' I didn't mean to something equally as ridiculous. What would you do if someone called about a job? Honestly, Naruto, you really need to think things through. Now, I know you're in school right now, and you better be, but you'll hear this when you get home. I'm coming by later tonight. I met someone while I was vacationing and we just clicked. I'm going to pick them-"

The machine cut him off and not even five seconds later, it was ringing again. The same voice came on after the blond's again. "Up and I'll bring them by so you can meet them too. Try to get the place clean would you? And don't worry about dinner, I'm picking it up. Remember, Naruto. I'll see you tonight."

A cold chill bristled his fur and he actually saw the sky darken behind him. Something terrible was going to happen tonight. He could feel it down to his tail.

"Any calls?"

"I have a feeling that this is going to become a ritual between us, Kiba."

"Until you get rid of the thing anyway." He agreed as he dropped his bag onto the back of the chair. "So?"

"Nothing. I'm starting to think that no one's gonna call." He sighed as he stared out the window. He felt Kiba pat his back in sympathy.

"That just really sucks."

"I know."

"Ah, N-Naruto-kun?"

The soft voice had both of them turning, incredulously. The pale girl blushed and looked away as their eyes settled on her and she shuffled anxiously.

"Yeah, Hinata-chan?"

"Um. Sakura-chan said you have a cat, now?" Her voice was barely above a whisper but she actually finished the question, unlike many times before.

"Yeah. Just temporary. I found him in the river."

"That's horrible."

He nodded. "I'm looking for the owner."

"That's a really nice thing to do, Naruto-kun."

"I guess."

"Do you have a picture of it? I can post it on the school website for you."

His mouth opened in surprise but he snapped it shut. "Yeah. That would be awesome, Hinata-chan. Could I give it to you tomorrow?"

She nodded sharply and stuttered out a goodbye, turning on her heel and fleeing to the other side of the classroom. He watched her hide her face in the Math book before his skin prickled. He became very aware of Kiba's death glare.

"Uh..."

"Whatever, Naruto." Kiba refused to meet his eye and stalked back to his seat, glaring at the chalkboard. Naruto stared at him helplessly before dropping his head to his desk.

"Dammit." He thumped it once for good measure and groaned. "Dammit."

-X-

Sasuke's ears pricked up and twitched as he stared at the fearless creature settled on the other side of the glass. He knew he couldn't reach it. He knew it couldn't even smell him, let alone be afraid of him. But his cat instincts were fully roused and he couldn't stop himself from pouncing at the thing. He hissed as he hit the window and batted at it furiously. The bird just tilted its head and blinked. Sasuke's tail twitched.

-X-

"You didn't even say anything the whole time she was there."

"Not the point."

"It's not like I planned a date with her."

"Not the point."

"She came up to me!"

"Not the point."

"Would it help if I apologized?"

"No."

"I'm sorry?"

"No."

"I won't do it again?"

"No."

"Damn it! Kiba!"

"Yes, Naruto?"

"...Nothing."

He slumped down on the desk as his best friend ignored his dramatics.

-X-

Sasuke preened under the sunlight. He wasn't quite sure when he decided that he needed to clean himself obsessively every thirty-six minutes, but it was beginning to get old. He continued to lick at his paw and swipe it over his ear every few minutes when something flashed in the corner of his eye. Something was glittering in the blond's room and he found himself slowly approaching.

It glittered as the sunlight hit it, reflecting light onto the other wall. Sasuke jumped on the bed, snorting at the complete mess the idiot had left it in. The shiny thing actually turned out to be the blond's keys. Sasuke smirked as he batted the shiny bits of jagged metal off the bedside table and they landed with a thump on the floor. He descended and curiously swatted them, the fox key chain jingling against the other keys. He contemplated what to do with them and how the blond was going to get back in the apartment without them.

-X-

"Forgiven yet?"

"Sure." Kiba grinned and leaned back on his chair. "I don't hold a grudge that long."

Naruto snorted softly and punched his arm. "Just confess to her before she tries to confess to me. It'll make everything a lot easier."

"Or you could actually get a girlfriend. That'll make things easier too."

"Whatever, lazy ass."

"I'm serious, Naruto. You really need a girlfriend."

"We've had this discussion. What did I say last time?"

"Uh...'Set me up'?"

"...No..."

"I remember, I remember. You've grown up since then, Naruto."

He traced the thin scars on his cheeks and smiled bitterly. "Maybe."

"Shit. Listen, I've gotta go. I promised sis I'd get home early. Cheer up, fox-boy." Kiba thumped him on the shoulder and grinned, hopefully. Naruto grinned and waved as he took off, smile slipping as he made his way home. His feet followed the path home absently, mind lost in his thoughts.

Something jostled him and he fell backwards slightly, catching his balance at the last minute.

"Sorry!" A small boy with a scarf ran down the sidewalk, nearly tripping over the long tail as it got caught between his legs. "Gamakichi! Gamakichi!"

The blond watched him disappear around the corner, but he wasn't really thinking about the kid. Instead, his mind fell back on his own temporary pet. The cat obviously despised him but as far as he was concerned, it was mutual. Besides, he wasn't going to keep the thing forever. As soon as someone claimed him, Naruto was going to wash his hands of the entire pet scene and never ask for any other animal again.

-X-

Sasuke could see the blond approach the apartment building from the street and contemplated how he was getting in. He could only see a few options. One, he got a spare key from the manager. Two, he had a spare somewhere that was easily accessible. Three, he waited until the guy on the machine arrived with guest and dinner. It was all just a matter of waiting to see which one he chose. The blond might be like him and actually know how to pick the lock, but it was unlikely. The guy was a bit too much of a idiot to know how to even do that correctly.

"Where are my keys? Damn it. Keys. Keys. Awwwwww! Shit!" he heard a loud thump on the door and then frantic footsteps. It was quiet. He assumed the blond went for help. Footsteps approached the door again, slowly. Sasuke settled down comfortably on the back of the couch to listen to the rest of the show.

"Why did he have to be gone today?! He's always there. That damn pervert. I'm so telling granny." There was a thump and then the sound of something sliding down the door. Rustling. A phone. "Hey Kiba? Do you still have that extra key to my apartment? What?! I did not! Damn it, you bastard. No it's okay. I'll just wait until the pervert manager gets back. Sorry to bother you."

Sasuke was all but laughing out loud. So sue him. This place got old fast and, lets face it, there wasn't much to do as a cat, or as a god trapped inside a cat's body. The television got old sometime and it wasn't like the blond had books he could read. Not ones that weren't...interesting, in any case. He didn't know what to make of the boy, in all honesty. There was only one time when Sasuke wasn't angry, irritated or amused by the blond and that had been when his eyes had gone red. He'd smelled terrifying and his body had acted on its own. He'd bolted out of there so fast he was sure he'd left a trail of smoke, like the bird in that show he'd seen.

He could hear the other berating himself on the other side, something about being in a hurry and being stupid. It was rather repetitive. He ended up snoozing as the hours went by, the blond still trapped outside and still a while before someone came to his rescue.

-X-

"I just had to oversleep this morning." He sniped as he groaned and thumped his head back against the door. "I can't believe this."

He could already hear that damn pervert ranting about this being the last time he was doing this and how if he hadn't been such good friends with his dad then he wouldn't do such favors. It was all hot air. He'd been saying things like this for ages. Even if he denied being a pervert for as long.

"You'll really like him, he's really sweet. I know that he can be a handful, especially around people that he's just met, but I think he'll like you."

That voice sounded familiar.

"Just try to keep your hands to yourself though. He's a bit overprotective. It's cute actually. Just don't get too...yourself."

Yep. Really familiar. He turned his head as he heard the voice's owner finally make it to his stairs and saw the familiar face.

"Iruka!"

He dove at the man, nearly knocking him back on the stairs, only to see someone steady them from falling.

"Uh, who are you?" Not his fault if he sounded rude and defensive.

"Naruto, did you not get my message?"

"Message? Uh, no, not really..."

"Did you lock yourself out again?" He asked after a pause. The other man chuckled slightly before two glares cut him off. He raised his hands defensively.

"Yeah. It really was an accident this time though."

"Naruto, you say that every time. I would think you'd grown out of doing it on purpose."

"You did it on purpose before?" The other man asked curiously.

Naruto blushed and fidgeted. "Once. It was going to be a prank. I didn't realize that I left my keys inside with Iruka's too."

He laughed again, patting Iruka's shoulder. "You were right. I do like him."

Iruka just smiled as he went to the door and began to look for his keys. After a few minutes of shuffling around bags and coat pockets, there came a dead silence. Then a weak chuckle.

"Naruto? When is the manager due back?"

There was silence.

"Iruka? You...You don't have your keys, do you?"

"Maybe...back at the house..."

"Damn it!"

"Language!"

"We're locked out!"

"It's not that bad!"

"Not that bad?!"

"We'll get in-"

"Yeah, eventually!"

"Naruto!"

"Uh...hello?"

"This is all your fault!"

"My fault?!"

"Yes!"

"Why?!"

"Because!"

"I can't make you forget your keys!"

"No but you can forget your own! You raised my hopes!"

"I..What?!"

"And then you crushed them!"

"Excuse me?"

"-need a therapist for all the heartache and anguish!"

"Excuse me?"

"What?!" The two glares turned on him.

"I can get the door open."

"How?"

"Like this." He dropped to one knee before the door and pulled out a few thin metallic tools. "I taught this trick to someone I know." He fiddled with it and very soon the door was swept open.

"That's awesome! You have to teach me! That's like, ninja-like!" Naruto tried to glomp him but it was narrowly avoided. "You're god!"

"Just one of many." His single visible eye crinkled in amusement.

"You're really cool!"

"I'm not that special."

"Ah! I'm sorry. I never introduced you. Naruto, this is Kakashi Hatake. I met him while I was out of town."

Naruto was surprised, and very thankful that it wasn't him, when his cat suddenly began to attack the man with extreme prejudice.


	6. Chapter 6

Yo! Enjoy! Sorry about the delay! All Disclaimers still apply. Now with Plot!

**Chapter Six.** In Which Things Are Learned That Can Never Be Un-Learned.

"How long have you had that thing, Naruto?" Iruka was still angry and shaky, after all, it wasn't everyday that someone he knew was mauled by a cat.

"Just a few days. Someone abandoned him in the river. He still has a collar so I thought someone was missing him and picked him up. I even put up flyers and everything. No one's claimed him yet though, and I felt bad."

"That cat doesn't have an owner."

Naruto turned to the other man. "Huh? How do you know?"

"There wasn't a tag on the collar right? He's probably a stray someone adopted but was too wild to be kept. You can tell by the way he acts."

"I never thought about that." Naruto was silent and looked at the bathroom door where they had shut the cat inside. The poor thing had been tossed into the river for who knew how long by who knew what kind of sick person. If the poor thing was once wild, it was understandable that it was that violent. It probably had no idea that he meant well and was probably attacking first so he wouldn't get attacked.

"Are you going to keep him, Naruto? That's a big responsibility. I could take him to a shelter for you if you think that's better."

"No. I'll keep him, Iruka. I know what it's like to be abandoned like that and being confused about everything. He's not so bad, I guess. I mean, what's a few scratches, right?"

Iruka just smiled softly. Naruto did have a big heart and buckets of sympathy. Kakashi shifted in the stool beside him.

"That's a good idea. He might be wild know but I bet you could tame him in no time." He smirked at the bathroom door. This was a pleasant surprise. Who knew Sasuke would get picked up so quickly? And by this boy in particular. He needed some alone time with the unfortunate god.

"I'll have him purring for me in no time flat." Naruto boasted with a huge grin, making Kakashi smirk under the mask.

"I don't doubt it."

"Naruto? Help me with dinner, okay?"

"Sure, Iruka."

Kakashi just grinned as they turned to the stove and he slipped into the living room. He could hear Sasuke growling at the door and simply smiled broader. This was too funny.

-X-

How dare that bastard show up here! There was to be no contact from Heaven! What if Kakashi had triggered the event that would kill him and send him back to Heaven only to be put to permanent death there?! Shit! Would he get to explain? It's not like he called for Kakashi, of all people! This was so bad! If Sasuke was going to be killed here and sent back to Heaven, then he was so breaking out of prison and killing the Lightning God. That's all there was to it. Kakashi would die.

-X-

"Do you think it's safe to let him back out?"

"Stop worrying so much Iruka. It'll be fine." He was nervous though. Just because he could suddenly be truly sympathetic for the cat did not mean that the cat knew and understood this. He could very well be unleashing a demon upon them.

To his surprise, the cat exited the room with all the grace and regal airs of a prince. Both Iruka and himself were ignored and the cat stopped in front of the grey-haired guest. It settled down on the floor before him and glared, acting as a statue for all intents and purposes.

"Have you given him a name yet, Naruto?" Kakashi ignored the red-eyes in favor of questioning the blond. The cat's tail twitched and stilled.

"No. I didn't want to get attached." He sighed. "That point may already be past, though. Maybe I'll just call him Cat and be done with it."

"I'm sure you could think of a much better name. Like Fluffy, perhaps?" Kakashi smirked at the cat, enjoying the bristled fur and nasty hiss.

"Maybe we should put him back, Naruto..."

The cat immediately stilled and, tossing a glare over its shoulder, climbed into the window and hid behind the curtains.

"That's just cruel, Kakashi." Naruto smirked though, eyes on the silhouette in the window.

-X-

"Now, Sasuke, before you get too pissy, listen to me." Kakashi leaned against the bathroom sink, Sasuke seated on the edge of the bathtub. "No, you are not about to be killed and taken to Heaven. That rule only applied to calling for help yourself. I came down to Earth for entirely different reasons."

Sasuke snorted here, making Kakashi grin.

"Yes, he is part of that reason. The other part was to warn you myself. Consider yourself lucky that Itachi was too busy to make it down here."

Sasuke could only imagine how wonderful that encounter would have been.

"Anyway, what I'm about to tell you is top secret. Very quiet stuff. The Kurayami have been leaving Hell in increasing numbers. It seems that Heaven isn't the only governing power with eyes on you. I know you have...friends...in the Kurayami, but I also know you have a fair share of enemies. Think of how vulnerable you and your god powers are in this state, Sasuke.

You are the God of Hatred. They have undeniable desires for our extinction. You have the power to use hatred as a focusing rod to multiply your own powers. They have been losing this war. Now, I know that this may seem a little obvious, but since the command was taken by Kabuto, they do have the means to extract your powers and this body is little challenge."

Sasuke's tail twitched as Kakashi's speech began to wind down. Of all the times to be punished, it just had to have been now. He'd known someone had taken control after he destroyed the last general upon his departure, but he hadn't known it was Kabuto. Merely thinking about what the former God of Healing was capable of had been terrifying enough, but the knowledge that Kabuto must have fused with the Fallen Archangel to be the Commander was stomach-turning.

"I was sent here by your concerned friends from up above. Tsunade has given me this power that I will bestow upon you now." Kakashi's fist began to glow brilliant blue and a ball of spirit energy formed in his palm. "I, Kakashi Hatake, God of Lightning and Mimicry, grant this power to you, Sasuke Uchiha, God of Hatred and Revenge, as given to me by Lady Tsunade, Princess of Heaven and Goddess of Power and Strength."

He placed his palm on the cat's narrow chest and transferred the orb. Sasuke hissed as it entered, the glow fading as it spread through him.

"There. Now that the ceremonial bit's out of the way, I'll tell you what it does. In exchange for ten years added to your sentence with each use, you will be allowed to assume the shape of a human-like being with full use of your powers. It will only last for twenty-four hours, Sasuke, so be very careful to eliminate your foe quickly, as it cannot be used again until after a rest period of an equal time. You will then return to this shape and lack of powers. You will not be given any more lives, so try not to die. Other than that, all rules still apply."

He crossed his arms back over his chest and looked down on the small bundle of fur. Tsunade's gift was as much a punishment as the current situation, but restrictions and limitations always seemed to make Sasuke try harder, if only for the pleasure of seeing those boundaries destroyed.

"Oh, and Sasuke?"

The cat looked up, eyes expressionless.

"That boy who picked you up. Naruto. Don't be too...surprised if you aren't more alike than you think you are."

With that, Kakashi exited the bathroom, leaving the door cracked for Sasuke. The cat stayed, still trying to process everything Kakashi had and hadn't said. It was one of the rare conversations he had with the man that lacked teasing. It meant that he was seriously worried. His ears flicked forward as he heard familiar laughter drift to him. Figures. The world would have to be falling around his ears before Kakashi would pull his attention away from his libido. It was pathetically reassuring.

He slipped out of the room and stayed back, letting the three in the living room interact. It seemed homely and quaint in the nauseating way that his brother adored.

He curled up on the edge of the bed, the transfer tiring his tiny body and the fact that he wasn't in Heaven or spirit form made it all the more difficult.


	7. Chapter 7

Yo! Sorry about the delay! Enjoy! All disclaimers still apply!

**Chapter Seven.** In Which Dreams are Prophetic.

He was lounging on the couch again, thinking about everything Kakashi had said about his pet. He realized that even though he understood abandonment and loss, he didn't know how to make a cat understand that he sympathized. Sitting down and having a nice long chat took on different meanings when the other party would start cleaning oneself obsessively.

He wasn't sure how to approach the situation and the cat was oblivious to his overtures. The thing had curled up on his bed asleep and, while he had no proof, seemed to remain that way for the last few days. It was a bit unsettling.

He rolled to his side and watched the bedroom door, half-expecting to see a lithe creature come striding out to glare at him. When it didn't happen, he sighed and rubbed his temples.

His dreams were getting sketchier and it hurt when he tried to remember them. He could recall a voice and laughter but that was it. Some things would trigger a flash of the dream, like a growl on the television or the heat from the stove. It never happened before and he was trying desperately to write it off as stress about his pet.

He grabbed the remote and turned the channel, finding something quiet. Trying to remember was more exhausting than his lack of sleep and he was tired. He rolled back over, back to the door and television, hoping to soothe the irritability and frustration all this was causing him.

-X-

He was sleeping again. Or, his body was resting. The strain caused by Tsunade's gift had exhausted the poor thing to the point of misery. It hurt to be conscious. So, he slept, while his mind was active. He had examined all his memories, hoping to recall all his time spent with the Kurayami and the allies he had within their ranks. Two had immediately sprung to mind, Zabuza and Haku. They were followed by a few other tentative allies suck as Dosu, Kin and Zaku. Those three, well, they were only loyal to Orochimaru but because of their demon heritage, they were not allowed in Heaven when the decision was cast by Tsunade's grandfather and first ruler of Heaven. It was still a sore subject to them, but they were at least friendlier to him. Especially since Orochimaru had trained him as his successor when the time came.

Those five he could at least trust not to stab him in the back immediately. They would probably try, with good reason, but he would at least receive a warning. Three others came to mind, his group when he served the General, but he wasn't too sure if they were allies or reluctant soldiers forced to follow. They seemed friendly with him, at least as friendly as one could be with him. He would see when the time came, who he could rely on when all hell broke loose.

Speaking of... What Kakashi had mentioned about the blond, well, it had to be something important. Those red eyes and that scent that had terrified him. It had all the makings of really strong evil power. He knew what that smelt like, at least he knew what it had felt like and now had scent association, when he had met the General. It had been as unsettling then as it had been recently.

-X-

He could see a beautiful redheaded woman, her face pale and slick with sweat. She was shaking as she held him, arms around his shoulders. She was whispering something, pressing kisses to his throat and cheek. She held him tighter as someone approached. His face was kind, old and craggy, but he seemed very sad. A pipe was passed to a younger man and the old man touched the woman's shoulder.

She nodded, pulling away but picking him up. She gave him three kisses, one on each cheek and and forehead. Her breathing was choppy and she held him tight, ruffling his hair.

"I'm so sorry, Naruto." She gave him one last kiss, and then passed him to the old man. "Goodbye."

He tried to struggle out of the man's arms to reach her, something inside him crying out and hurting. She never looked back, even though he was sobbing for her.

"I'm sorry, Naruto." The old man held him, trying to help but he was beyond care. She disappeared, and so did that hurting feeling. He was still sad and angry but that howling rage was gone. He fell asleep, still crying and calling for her.

"Dad?"

"Not now, Asuma." He felt himself getting picked up and cradled, the smell of smoke becoming predominant as he buried his face in the old man's shoulder.

-X-

He came awake with tears staining his face. He wiped them away, slightly confused but then that face filled his vision. Her soft green eyes and vibrant red hair matched with pale skin and a bright smile. His mother. That had been the night she had abandoned him. He remembered her now.

He sat up, resting his back on the couch as he tried to focus on the partially forgotten memory. She left him with Old Man Sarutobi before he was adopted by Iruka. He could still smell the smoke from the tobacco he used to smoke in the pipe.

It was a miracle he could remember her at all. He had been at least a year old then. Maybe the stress was making repressed memories resurface.

He looked up, unsurprised at the time. Well past midnight. He had school tomorrow. He climbed up slowly, making his way to the kitchen so he could take some medicine for his headache. He pinched the bridge of his nose and took a few breaths. He could almost still hear her voice.

He wasn't too alarmed when he saw the cat still sleeping. It had chosen a new spot, on the edge of the bed near the headrest, and seemed very deep in sleep. He pulled the blankets over his head and curled up in the opposite direction, hoping he wouldn't dream again.

-X-

Something was smothering him. He struggled, trying to get away from whatever it was, trying to get a single breath, when the sensation magnified.

He was dizzy from the lack of oxygen. He wasn't thinking anymore and lashed out, a pure wave of energy enveloping him. He gasped as he took a few clear breaths and looked around.

Everything was in flames. Smoke was in the entire room, nearly at the point where he couldn't see period. The thing that had been choking him was the blanket. It had wrapped around him, the smoke smothering him as much as the thick cloth. Flames licked the bed and he scrambled away. He would be reborn again, losing one life, but it still hurt. He glanced over at his bed partner.

The blond wasn't waking up. He wasn't struggling. It chilled him as he watched flames lap at the tan skin, the smell of burning hair and skin making him nauseous. He cried out, trying to reach the other when this heavy cracking sound terrified him. He looked up in time to see the floor above them cave down, crushing his tiny body.

-X-

He came awake, frightened and gasping. Everything was fine. Nothing out of the ordinary. Well, the blond had once again ignored the alarm clock or forgot to set it, because he was very late. He was still trembling from that particular nightmare when he remembered the blond's face in his dream.

Unaffected. Unmoving. Statuesque. Completely unlike him in real life. It hurt in more ways than he was comfortable admitting when he couldn't even save him in a dream. It really brought into prospective the inadequacies of this tiny body. He was useless. He was completely dependent on the blond for everything stuck like this.

He suppressed the trembling as he climbed to his feet. He would help him out a bit. From the look of things, the blond wouldn't be getting up anytime soon.

He made his way over and settled in the empty space where the blond was curled up. He contemplated his choices before jumping over to the alarm clock. He pressed his paw down hard on the snooze button, making the thing blare music and static.

The blond bolted awake and fell to the floor, gasping and shouting. He looked up, covering his ears with his hands to see the cat sitting on the bedside table. It flicked its tail, looking particularly satisfied. He glared before noticing the time and ran off, cursing his bad luck. Sasuke smiled in his catlike way and picked up the blond's keys, placing them on the bag that would be grabbed before he left.

There. Good deed done. The sound of the door slamming was very enjoyable and he darted to the window, waiting a moment before spying the blond run down the street. He preened happily, tail flitting about.

That dream. Dreams had a nasty habit of coming true around him. He was going to have to try and prevent it from happening. And if he couldn't, then, well, he'd have to give Tsunade's gift a try. Hopefully, when Kakashi said human-like, it meant two legs and at least five feet in height. Otherwise he would be thoroughly screwed.


	8. Chapter 8

Yo! Forgive the delay and please enjoy the story! All disclaimers still apply.

**Chapter Eight.** In Which The Forces Of Darkness Are On The Move

"Are we really going to obey Superior's commands?"

He lowered the cloth he was using to polish his samehaeda and frowned across the room. He glanced over at the other two occupants, their eyes also fixed on the speaker.

"We're going to pretend at least. Blend in and spy. I don't exactly want to have his guts spilled on my blade."

"Like you would even get to try." Another weapon, similar to his but puffed up like a porcupine, was brandished warningly. They exchanged razor sharp smiles.

The other in the room snorted and crossed his own large blade across his body.

"Can you old ladies stop bragging like your talking about your grandchildren?"

The other just rolled his eyes, ignoring the three bickering in the room. He pulled the pretty mask he used from the peg on the wall, slipping it into his large coat. He glanced over his shoulder at the arguing group behind him before opening the coat slightly. He didn't like how constricting human clothes were compared to his usual outfit but he would have to deal with it. The heavy material labeled jeans was stiff and ugly. He glanced over his shoulder, taking in the considerably darker clothing his companions wore.

Zabuza was in black loose pants with chains and pockets all over with his black tank top and mesh shirt, Kisame in the dark slacks and t-shirt, a long trench coat covering most of his darker skin, and Suigetsu in the black jeans and t-shirt, a fur-lined vest loose. He would look out of place with them but he would look more out of place in similar clothes. So, he would have to deal with the lighter clothing. But then, they had a need for the heavier clothing that he didn't.

The argument had escalated to the point where they were in each other's faces and yelling nonsense. He groaned once before casting a hand before him, letting the chill he was suppressing out for them to feel.

The water elementals froze, quite literally. He tapped a toe as they looked over at him before glaring again. He scowled and placed his hands on his hips, eyebrow raising. Finally, the standoff ended, the eyes averting to humble to the ice spirit.

"This is going to be hard enough without you fighting each other." Haku stated as Zabuza put the samehaeda against the wall of the apartment they secured for base and went to his side.

"I'd imagine it has to do with our egos." He scowled as Kisame and Suigetsu snorted. Haku crossed his arms and glared. They quailed momentarily.

"We know the stakes. We'll find him. I know I won't split him up for the General." Suigetsu placed his buster blade alongside Zabuza's.

"I have personal interest in not being the one to either spill his blood or assist those who will." Kisame agreed, paling at the thought of his partner's rage at the knowledge his special person was going to be hunted while so defenseless. He still hadn't broken it to him that he was under orders to bring them both before the General. What the Superior's interest in the elder was he didn't know and wasn't going to be soothed if he could help it.

"Right." Haku sighed and grabbed Zabuza's arm, looking dwarfed by the other's broad height. "We'll take the northern district."

"Good luck." Zabuza nodded and they left, mist curling around their feet before they vanished.

"I'm in the Southeast." Suigetsu waved once, disappearing in a similar manner.

"Morons." Kisame shook his head, walking to the door. "I'll just take the Southwest." He grumbled about the lack of saltwater and beaches as he descended to street level. "Stupid city."

-X-

He looked up at the moon from his location on the building's roof, taking a hand and covering it. He looked at the silver glow around his palm, before he lowered his hand and let it drop to his side.

He knew he should be looking for the renegade god but something was calling to him. There was a deep anger and hatred in this city, and Shukaku lusted after it. It called to his very blood, asking him to fight it, draw it out, release it.

Gaara of the Sand walked to the edge of the building after he climbed to his feet and began to walk down the side. His gourd of sand emptied as he went, waves of it caressing his legs as he walked down the side of the abandoned building. It covered his back, shaping itself around his form as it became another body. It solidified, becoming the shape of a rusty raccoon dog, and he fell the rest of the distance.

He began to prowl the darkened alleyways, catching all the smells of bloodlust and anger that called to him. He focused on the strongest smell, still miles away, and ran.

-X-

"Water has gone ahead already. We're the last ones who were at a time loyal to Heaven. Has everyone decided?" Dosu stood, pulling his thick shawl around his shoulders as they met in the Akastuki Wing. He looked over at the person to his right, expecting an answer.

"I'm going to help." Zaku stood.

"For Orochimaru if no one else." Kin took her place beside Dosu, all of them looking at the remaining ones.

"I'm doing it for Sasuke, bitch." Karin glared as she stood and then Juugo nodded, standing with her.

"To see this place fall if nothing else." Shino pulled the cloak around him, vanishing into the dark shadowy walls.

"We support Heaven." Rock Lee and Choji said after they exchanged glances. "We're ready for whatever mission you have."

"Good." Dosu nodded, Zaku and Kin taking his arms. "We're agreed." He vanished into the wall as well, a shrill hiss signaling their exit.

"Let's get the fuck out of here." Karin glared at the empty space, letting Juugo teleport them through the walls.

"Let's depart." Lee nodded as Choji signaled him, opening a gate to their right. It vanished as they did, leaving the sealed room quiet, as it would remain until they convened again with plans on leaving the Realm to Earth.

-X-

"Have you given the Sins their orders, General?"

"Yes, sir. Soldiers have been dispatched and I have Pein and Konan constructing the Platform." Kabuto rose from his bowed position and looked up at the being they called the Fallen. Red eyes spun slowly as they looked through him and then behind him, to the large scrying portal placed in the throne room.

"I want him, Kabuto."

"I shall give him to you, naked and helpless." He smirked confidently at the other, a chill settling as the being moved. His disjointed and body-less form unsettling him.

"I will relish it." Red eyes once again dropped to him. "I want that body for my own. It will be so good to conqueror my dear friend's haven in the body of the Outcast. Let them see what destruction such an unholy union can wreak. Let them see what they deserve for allowing such a whore into Heaven."

Kabuto remained silent, not wishing to look back to the images that would be in the glass. The Fallen's rage was palpable in the very air around him,threatening to choke him if he merely took a single breath too hard.

"I will guarantee your victory, Master." The General dropped to his knee and bowed low, excusing himself from the room. The heavy door shuttered shut after him.

Piercing red eyes glowed brighter as he glared at the image on the glass. "I'll take the very body you sacrificed yourself for, Little Pet, and I'll use it to rape your Paradise." If he could cackle and laugh he would have, but that was an undignified and base act. He contented himself by summoning his newest toy, her looks similar to those of the one he hated.

"Please, my Lord-" He cut her throat with a brandished hand, pleasure filling him as her red blood coated the floor. If only all his problems were as simple to deal with.


	9. Chapter 9

**Yo! Here's the next chapter! Enjoy! **

**Chapter Nine.** In Which Logic Defied Reason

"So you've decided to keep him?"

"Yeah. I'll leave stuff up but honestly, I don't think anyone will claim him."

"I'd take him to a shelter."

"Yeah well if he were a dog, you'd be singing a different tune."

"If he were a dog, I'd steal him from you." He paused, taking a long drink from his soda. "If you're gonna keep him, you have to name him."

"I'll just call him Cat."

"No way! That's horrible! What about...Fluffy?"

"Second person to suggest that and I'll tell you the same thing I told them. No, that's just cruel. Seven years, or something, right?"

"Who else did you talk to?"

"Iruka's new boyfriend. They were over last night."

"What? I missed Iruka? You're a bastard, Uzumaki!" He shoved the other, making him fall into the crowd they were passing on the sidewalk.

"I'm pretty sure my parents were married when I was born. But, if that's true, they probably wouldn't have abandoned me in the first place."

"Damn it, Naruto. You know how to kill a conversation." Kiba sighed after they walked the rest of the block in silence. "Hey. Hold up a minute."

Naruto stopped as his arm was grabbed and he was pulled into the shadow of the building. "What the hell?"

"Look. What's up with that guy?"

The guy in question was staring at the many advertisements posted on the telephone pole. Nothing weird about that especially. If you discounted the fact that he was dressed like he just arrived from the Feudal Era, complete with long ass brown hair that reached his waist, a headband with a metal plate and comparing something to words in a scroll. Freak.

"I have no idea but it's probably contagious."

-X-

"Damn it, if it's not Ino it's you. Times have changed, no one wears that stuff anymore."

"I can't see why not. It's very comfortable." He looked at the long sleeves of his kimono and then around them at the midday crowd. "Though I suppose I could find something else."

"Find something else. And give me that scroll. Go buy normal clothes."

"I'll meet you at the room." Neji seemed unperturbed by the dismissal as Shikamaru snatched the scroll from his hands. He shrugged and began to search the stores along the sidewalk. He spotted something promising and headed that way, ignoring the sigh from behind him.

"You request a little down time and they take you literally." He grumbled as he rerolled the scroll and stuffed it into the messenger bag. "And they send me here with the beauty queen who hasn't left the house in ages."

He shook his head, turning his attention back to the pole. He scanned the papers stapled to it before finding the one he was looking for. He ripped it off, turning it so he could see it clearly. Yep. There were the beads. Now he just needed to find this Naruto person and he'd know Sasuke's location.

He began to head to the library, hoping to snag one of the computers so he could find Naruto's files.

-X-

"Is there someway I can assist you, sir?"

He looked up at the saleswoman. She was wringing her hands anxiously. Probably aware she was in a great presence, he decided.

"Yes. I would like this made to fit me." He held up the sleeve of the jacket and glanced over at her. "Where would I get this done at?"

"Here. Just allow me, sir." She grabbed the steel-grey suit and accessories and quickly made her way over to the dressing rooms. "Please, put it on and I will make all the adjustments."

He frowned slightly before nodding, shutting the door behind him. It was a tiny room but it would have to do. He carefully folded everything as he took it off piece by piece and left it on the small bench.

"Please just stand on this, sir." He was familiar with this process and stood still as she began to properly fix the hem and seams of the outfit. It was a long process but he wasn't bored. It wasn't proper behavior to be bored. He kept up his mask of indifference which he knew was making the woman uneasy but there was nothing he could do about it.

"And are you wearing it out of the store, sir?" She finished and he was inspecting the work, face void of thought.

"Yes."

"How are you paying, sir?"

"Would this be enough to cover it?" He pulled a small bag out of the bundle of clothing he picked up and peeled back a few bills. Her face paled a bit as he set them in her hand.

"Yes."

"Excellent." He nodded, picking up the matching scarf and wrapping it around his neck. He left the store, hair swaying behind him.

"Aya! I can't believe you were brave enough to do that!"

"Honestly, what was he doing with a woman's suit?!"

"Aya?"

"Guys, we are so splitting my tip." She held up the bills he used to pay and their mouths dropped open.

"I didn't even know they made bills that high!"

-X-

"Apparently, if I'm keeping you, you have to have a name." He said as he watched the cat walk from the bathroom to the entertainment center. It growled slightly, making him think for a wild second that the cat actually understood him. "I seriously can't think of one though so you'll have to settle for being nothing for a while."

That said, he just shook his head and went to the kitchen to dig through the fridge.

"Talking to a damn cat. I've seriously lost it." He muttered.

-X-

He glanced up from the papers scattered around the table to the door as it opened. His partner finally entered, looking a little harried and holier than thou.

"Is that a woman's suit?"

"Does it matter?!"

"Whoa. What bit you in the ass?"

"I've been accosted by filthy, grubby humans the entire way over here!"

"You know, that's really speciest."

"I'm being literal! I've had my ass grabbed more times than Tsunade's had her chest ogled!" He stomped his way across the room, hips moving ever so slightly in a little sway. Not that he was about to mention it to the irate god as he really didn't want everything he'd learned his entire life sucked out.

"I've found out where the kid is and his back story." He gestured to the pile of papers, watching colorless eyes light with interest.

"Ooh. Wonderful." He grimaced. You could hear the satisfaction drip off that tone.

"Yeah. It's been like shit getting all that. I'm still not convinced half of it is correct or legal." He grabbed the birth certificate from the bottom of the pile and thrust it to Hyuuga. "Hospital listed doesn't have his file, nor are the people listed real. The only factual information is the pile before you."

"Why do I recognize the name Sarutobi?"

"I'm not sure. I did a background scan on him too. Has a kid in his thirties and a grandson in single digits. Wife, deceased. Apparently, he owns, or did, a shrine. He lives there alone. Son and grandson actually live a few blocks down from our target. He was adopted by a man named Iruka Umino and they lived together at his family home until Naruto moved out to his current location. Third floor up, and the building's owned by an Ebisu. That's about all the important stuff. The rest is medical files, school records, that kinda stuff."

"He saw a therapist for a few years for uncontrollable fits of violence. Sounds like the type of person Sasuke would get picked up by."

Shikamaru snorted. The god was stuck as a cat for Heaven's sake. There wasn't like he exactly had much say in whom he was picked up by.

-X-

/Hello again, kit. How's the pet?/

'Who are you?'

/Call me Kyu, kit. And you didn't answer me./

'My pet is just fine, Kyu.'

/Really? Something's off about him./

'How is there "something off" about a cat?'

/His energy changed. It feels stronger. Makes me feel stronger./

'Okay. And I take it this is a bad thing?'

/Not in the least. Feels good./

'Okay.'

/Kit./

'What?'

/...Her name was Kushina./

-X-

"Who's Kushina?"

Naruto jumped, falling backward on the stool. "Shit!"

"Naruto?" He glanced up to see Kiba leaning over him, looking concerned.

"Shit, Kiba. You scared me. How long was I out?"

"Dunno. You were sleeping when I got here. You were talking in your sleep. Something about a Kushina. Who is she?"

"My mom." He whispered. "That's her name. I forgot about that. I couldn't remember before today."

"About your real parents?"

"Yeah. Kushina was my mother's name."

"What else do you remember?"

"Nothing. Except. I remember the day she left me with Sarutobi. She had red hair. And green eyes. She was beautiful." He felt something wet on his face and raised a hand to his cheek, speculatively. Tears. He couldn't remember starting to cry.

"Shit, Naruto." Kiba didn't even hesitate to hug him. Naruto was still in shock, tears falling. He appreciated the thought but Kiba felt too heavy. Too suffocating to be any real comfort. He pulled away and wiped his face clean. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah. Just a bit too much at one time. I'm okay. Need a drink." He stood, helping Kiba up and walked to his fridge. "Want anything?"

"No. I'm good." Kiba just sat back at the counter, unsure what to do exactly.

/We'll chat again, kit. Later./

"Kyu." He whispered the word. The voice from his dreams. He could hear it while he was awake. He feel something stirring inside his mind. He shivered, wrapping his arms around himself and squeezing.

"Naruto?"

"I'll be okay. Just give me a minute." He whispered. Schizophrenia. He'd had a very mild case when he was younger. The other voice had uncontrollable fits of rage and, after he was treated, he'd been blessed with years of silence. Why was it coming back? Why?!


	10. Chapter 10

Yo! Here's the next chapter. Refer to former chapters for disclaimer! Enjoy!

**Chapter Ten.** In Which Assassins Lurk and The Day Is Saved

Despite what he had told Kiba, he wasn't fine. He wasn't going to ever possibly be fine again. He'd debated on whether or not he should call and talk to Iruka about it, but he didn't want to worry the man. After all, Iruka had taken the brunt of the violent fits he'd suffered. The man had a scar from the worst encounter, for god's sake. The last thing he needed was to tell Iruka that the voice was back.

He looked up as the cat sauntered into the room and stopped at the foot of the bed. He watched it, looking the creature in the eyes. They were pitch black, though there was a very faint line of lighter color around the pupil. It hopped up on the bed, and sat at the very edge.

"Well, you're probably wondering why I'm not going to school today, even though I'm not sick. I am though. Sick in the head." He tapped his skull, not even worrying about the fact he was talking to a cat, because he had to vent to something. "I'm hearing a voice. Same one when I was younger. It's schizophrenia. Like another person lives in my head, you know. It was always telling me to hurt things. Destroy things. I couldn't stop when I was younger. I saw a therapist for a few years. We worked through some issues and they gave me some medicine to help with the anger. I got better."

He pulled his legs up and hugged them to his body. The cat flicked his tail, settling down.

"The voice stopped and I got control of myself. I hurt Iruka before I was better and I hurt a bunch of kids when I went to school. We moved here and I started going to another school, after I was treated and everything. I was better. I could forget about everything that happened before. Why would it come back now? Why?"

He buried his face in his knees, knowing he was seconds from sobbing outright.

"Nothing bad has happened yet. I'm so scared though. What if I can't control it? Don't want to hurt anyone, anymore. I don't want to remember anything. I'm not a freak. Why would it come back now?"

The cat was silent. He didn't expect a reply.

-X-

The blond had cried himself to sleep. Sasuke felt something churn in his stomach that made it hurt while he watched the boy cry. He didn't understand a lot of things he'd said. He hadn't realized that humans weren't supposed to hear voices in their heads. He always heard voices. Voices of those who asked him a favor, voices with pleas for revenge. The ones that were the loudest, though, were the voices that told him to hate everything, that there was power in hatred. Voices that demanded he destroy and consume.

He'd learned to suppress those as every god learned. Orochimaru had even shown him how to silence those voices. He couldn't even hear those voices of destruction anymore, unless he was using his powers.

He hadn't known that humans considered this a mental disease. Voices of destruction would have explained away many of mankind's acts. That they considered those who could hear voices as abnormal was appalling. Freaks. Sasuke would have ripped the tongue out of anyone who called him a freak. There was no such thing as normality. He had intimate experience in those who were hurt by this definition of perfection and normalcy, as they were the ones who worshiped him and fed his powers with their hate.

He rose and walked to the boy's side. The boy was so afraid, he could still smell it in the air. It lacked the sharp, spicy scent it normally had. It smelt bitter. It didn't give him the same kind of power it would usually, either.

He had no way to help trapped in this body and he wasn't going to sacrifice ten years to comfort the boy. He wasn't his brother who had affection and love for everything. He settled down at the boys side, though, offering what he had. The boy would appreciate it, he knew. It was the least he could do, all things considered.

-X-

"Collect the cat and bring it to me. If you fail, expect a fate worse than death." He snarled as he grabbed the two creatures by their throats. Their frantic nodding and raspy promises made him drop them to the rooftop. "Kill anyone who tries to stop you but bring the cat back alive."

"Yes, sire." They intoned, already turning to mist and magic. He sneered at their vanishing bodies and snapped his fingers for a gate. Tall doors loomed over him and opened inward, and he strode into the darkness on the other side, doors closing with a thud and vanishing into the air as well.

-X-

/Kit./

'Go away! I don't want to listen to you!'

/Get over yourself, kit./

'Shut up!'

/Fine, I will. If you don't care about the two monsters outside./

'The only monster here is you.'

/Don't believe me, then. If you die, I'm free./

'I'm not about to die!'

/Then I would roll. Now./

-X-

He fell off the bed, cursing, just as something cut through his pillow where his head would have been. He flailed, jumping backwards.

"What the hell?!"

The cat sprang to his side, head-butting him toward the door. He scrambled for the knob as something cold brushed his skin. The cat snarled, clawing his way up his back to settle on his shoulder, hissing and spitting.

"Damn it! What the hell is going on?!" He stumbled as the door opened, feeling something incredibly sharp cut through his hair. He watched as golden spikes fell to the ground in disbelief. The cat hissed, swatting at the air. "Like that's going to do much good against ghosts!"

/Not ghosts. Look./ He felt the cat shiver on his shoulder, and it went unbelievably tense, but he was a bit distracted by the three foot creature holding a scythe that was floating in the air before him. It had nasty bulbous welts all over and it leered at him.

"Holy shit." His eyes widened as it swung at him, he ducked and ran past. The cat snarled and jumped to the left suddenly. He turned to watch it sail through the air, tackling another monster as it tried to stab him with a dagger. He fell and skinned his knees on the floor, scooting back behind the couch. "Shit. Shit. Shit!"

/Better get a weapon, kit./ He obeyed the voice without a thought. He scrambled for the closet, finding a bat. He grabbed it and swung. He caught the leg of one of the monsters as it tried to hit his cat. The cat was holding its own, dodging dagger swipes like it had been doing it all its life. He took aim and bashed the creature on the head, hearing it shriek in agony.

The other turned toward him, ghosting past the cat. It came at him, avoiding the bat and slicing his shoulder.

"Fuck! Take this you ugly prick." He swung harder, sending it into the wall. It screamed something in some language he didn't understand and the other creature flew over. There was a bright light for a minute before he felt something grab the end of the bat. "Cheaters!"

The two had joined somehow so there was only one of them, towering over him. It leered, teeth missing, as it ripped the bat away from him and snapped it in half.

"You still look like a pile of shit." He sneered, jumping behind the couch as it roared, materializing a curved sword. It swung clumsily, breaking his table and cracking the entertainment center. "Bastard!"

The cat had followed him to his hiding place. He scooped it up and ducked into the kitchen, throwing the creature on his shoulder as he dug through his drawers. Shit! Shit! Shit! Where were all those knives? The hamburger mallet! A rolling pin! Anything! He grabbed the skillet and the blunt butcher's knife he found, cursing Iruka's confiscation run. "Can't have anything potentially dangerous my ass! I'm about to get killed here!"

The creature had stalked into the kitchen, moving better now. He blocked the one swing with the skillet, feeling it sting his hands. It shuttered and cracked a bit. He bit his lip. He was going to die here. Killed by some ugly monster. What had he done to deserve this? He saw the thing bring its hand back, and he cringed.

It missed, striking the counter instead and he ran under its arm. The cat had distracted it, climbing over its shoulder and running with him. He grabbed it, holding it to him as he ran to the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind him. He fell to his knees, holding the cat tight.

"What am I going to do? I don't want to die here! God, please don't let me die here!" He held the cat to his chest, dampening its fur with tears that were spilling out. What was he going to do?! Pounding began on the door and he scrambled away, climbing into the bathtub as he watched the door splinter. This was a stupid place to run to. Shit.

-X-

Sasuke was pissed. Kakashi had been serious. Djinn weren't very bright and only came to the human world under the commands of demons. Someone in Hell was trying to kill him. He felt frustration well up. Damn Heaven and this tiny useless body! He couldn't even protect himself, let alone this human boy! At least the human was trying, though how he even saw the djinn was a mystery.

The boy was crying and hiding in the bathtub, holding him tight. He couldn't even do anything. He glared at the door, seeing the ugly creature grin in the hole it was making. It wasn't bright enough to take out the knob or at least punch a hole and unlock it. It would hack away until it could fit. Damn it!

He was trying to avoid this. He didn't want ten more years tacked on, seeing as it had hardly been a week so far that he was here. At this rate, he would be stuck on Earth until Armageddon. The kid let out a sob and he felt his patience snap. Fuck this. Neither of them were going to die here and this djinn was going to suffer before it died.

-X-

Naruto choked back the sob that tried to force its way out. Damn it! The cat squirmed in his grasp, trying to get free. It probably didn't want to die either. He let it go, watching as it jumped out of the tub and sat in the floor.

"What the-?" He was cut off as a light lit up the bathroom, making him shield his face. He blinked quickly, trying to see past the spots in his eyes. His mouth dropped open. There wasn't a cat on the floor anymore. He wasn't even sure it was a person, either.

Two black cat ears, black hair slicked back in spikes, a long black tail, and a muscled expanse of pale skin stood where a cat once had. A bracelet was on its wrist, black and red beads alternately. Down the apparition's back was a solid black line, stretching out into licks of flames that covered its left arm and part of its chest. The tail flickered, black lines tracing over his lower body like thick vine tendrils. He pinched himself. Hard.

"What the hell?!"

The cat-person looked over at him, smirking. Black eyes bright with humor, even in a situation like this.

"Mind if I take this?" It had a deep voice too. He realized that it had a hand on the towel rack and before he could protest, it was ripped out of the wall. The cat-person brandished it like a sword and then turned on the door. With a war cry, it stabbed the monster, forcing it out of the door. Naruto ran forward, eyes wide as it watched the cat-person effortlessly pin the big monster to the floor.

"Who sent you?!" He stabbed it with the towel rack, harder. It screamed and flailed, trying to hit the other with the sword. The cat-person grabbed its wrist and he heard a sickening snap. It squealed, and the towel rack was shoved deeper. "Who?!"

"Sin! Sin sent! General! Kurayami!" It howled as the towel rack was twisted.

"Which Sin?!"

"Bloodlust! Bloodlust sent!"

"Disgusting vermin." The cat-person snarled as it grabbed the blade that the monster dropped. "Why?"

"Not told! Not told! Docks! Bloodlust meet at docks! Need cat! Cat! Nineteen!" It shrieked. He didn't understand any of it, except the part about the pier.

"You've been very helpful." The cat-person hissed, "But I can't let you leave alive." It drew back, swinging the blade once. The screams ended abruptly, and it tossed the sword down as the thing began to turn to dust.

Naruto barely kept back his bile. He fell to the ground, staring horrified at the spot where a creature once existed. A movement caught his eye and he gasped as the cat-person turned to him.

"Are you alright?" It asked, sounding not at all like it had decapitated a monster in his living room. "Uzumaki?"

"H-How do you know my name?! What the hell are you?!" The cat-person sighed, swiping a hand through his hair, touching the ears curiously.

"I'm, er, the cat."

"The cat?!"

"My name is Sasuke Uchiha. I'm the Patron God of Hatred and Revenge."

"Why are you my cat?!" He scooted back until he felt the wall and used it to climb to his feet. His knees were still shaking, so he leaned against it heavily. "What was that thing?!"

"That was a djinn. It's a low-level demon. It was here to kidnap me."

"What?!"

Before he could answer, though, the front door opened. Two people sauntered inside, one Naruto recognized. It was the guy from before. The one who had been wearing the out-dated clothes and had the scroll.

"Well, shit. Late to the party, I see." The other said, glancing between them. "Nice look, Uchiha. Way to traumatize the human."

Naruto fainted.


	11. Chapter 11

Yo! Sorry the updates are taking so long. My creative juices aren't flowing in the right directions. I'll try to be quicker so please enjoy this chapter. I know it's short and I apologize, but they'll get longer and better (hopefully). Enjoy!

**Chapter Eleven.** In Which Neko-Jin Isn't Just For T.V. Anymore.

Sasuke caught him before he could hit the floor and carried him to the couch.

"I see you've used Tsunade's Gift. What for?"

"There was a djinn here." Sasuke spat. "Bloodlust sent it with orders to kidnap the cat and kill the human."

"Shit." Shikamaru surveyed the damage. "Did it put up that much of a fight?"

"It was two at first. I didn't use the Gift until we were cornered. As far as I know, it didn't know I had that ability."

"Bloodlust will get suspicious when the djinn doesn't report back."

"Let him. He knows I'm not going back unless I'm forced to." Sasuke glared at them, frowning as Neji began to approach the boy. "What are you going to do?"

"Erase his memories. He'll have no knowledge of this." Neji leaned down, pulling his headband free. Sasuke's arm shot out to grab his shoulder.

"No."

"It's not your choice, Uchiha." Shikamaru's shadows snarled around his wrist and pulled him back. Neji leaned over him, pressing their foreheads together. He began to whisper, opening his eyes, Naruto's following suit. His veins around his eyes began to bulge and pulse. He leaned back a bit, so the tips of their noses touched, and began to whisper again. Soft wisps of light began to drift out of his mouth, Naruto's eyes started to roll back.

"No!" Neji was thrown backwards, falling against the armrest. The blond surged upwards, moving past them to the wall. Shikamaru's shadows dissipated, freeing Sasuke who began to approach the boy.

"Naruto." He said, warily. He raised his hands in a placating manner. "It's okay."

Red eyes snapped up to meet him. Utter rage filled his face, those thin scars on his cheeks darkening like whiskers. His tail twitched.

"You're not taking his memories. I won't be forgotten." He hissed. "You won't erase me."

"You're not Naruto, are you?" Shikamaru said as he helped Neji to his feet. The god swayed dangerously, struggling to stay upright.

"No. Kyu. I'm Kyu." He whispered. "You won't make Naruto forget me."

"We won't." Sasuke promised as he glared at the other two over his shoulders.

"I can't. Too strong. I can't take his memories just like I can't take any of the high gods." Shikamaru's eyebrows raised as Sasuke's tail twitched. Neji shook his head and clambered for the headband. He covered the pulsating tattoo on his forehead and shuddered.

"Too right. My memories stay where they are." He hissed.

"No one will touch them." He promised. "Let me speak to Naruto."

He sneered at them. "After finally possessing this body, you think I'll give it up?" He laughed. "I'm not going anywhere."

Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "I need to talk to Naruto. Bring him back."

"Fuck you." He spat, stalking forward to shove the cat-god. "I obey no one."

"Kyu." Sasuke's arm shot out, grabbing him as he tried to shoulder past. "If you won't bring him back, I will."

The blond stilled, gasping as red energy began to leak out of his body at where Sasuke clutched his arm.

"What are you doing?!"

"I'm the God of Hate. You hate everyone, don't you? So potent. Let me feed on it." Sasuke whispered, drawing the energy out easily. It was stronger and older than anything ever before. Addicting. "Bring out Naruto before I take everything from you."

"Fuck you!" Red eyes blazed like a forest fire before they dulled down to blue. "I'm not giving up, Uchiha. Bastard."

Sasuke caught him as he collapsed, carrying him back to the couch as he started to wake up again.

"Awful dream." He whispered, pressing his hands to his face. "Fuck."

"Not a dream, Naruto."

He jumped, hands pushing him upright. "No way. You've gotta be shitting me."

"We're not shitting you." Shikamaru sighed, leaning against the wall. Neji shook his head as he looked at him. Naruto's eyes finally stopped on the cat-person and he colored.

"You were really the cat, weren't you?"

Sasuke nodded. "And I'm about to be the cat again in," He looked over at the wall. "Twenty-two hours."

"No fucking way." He took a few breaths, before he looked up again. "Okay. You were the cat. Do you have a name?"

"I told you earlier." His eyebrow rose in amusement. "Sasuke."

"Okay then, Sasuke. What the hell are you doing here?! Why were you the cat?!"

"Uchiha's being punished. He broke our laws and was sent to Earth to live as a cat." Shikamaru smirked.

"You're an alien?!" Naruto's head shot up, eyes wide.

"Hell no! I'm a God!" Sasuke tossed his head, ears twitching.

"What about you two?" His eyes narrowed as they fell on them. "Since you all seem to know each other."

"We're Gods. We trained with Uchiha at the Academy." Shikamaru shrugged. "Listen, it's probably best that he comes back with us. Hell will continue to send demons here for him. If he leaves, they won't have any reason to come after you."

"No." Surprised, everyone turned to Sasuke. "I'm not leaving here."

"Uchiha." Neji made a sound of annoyance and flipped his hair back behind his shoulder. "You can't stay here just for a little power trip. He's going to be targeted by Hell's higher ups. You're stuck as a cat. There's no way to protect either him or yourself."

"You are only here so that my powers aren't stolen. You don't give a damn about me or him. You care about Heaven."

"So should you! Think of how many lives could be lost because you were too weak to protect yourself. I won't let Heaven fall to the Kurayami just so you can have a few hours of satisfaction." Neji growled, grabbing his arm.

"I'm not staying for that!" Sasuke shoved him off, taking Naruto's arm tightly. "Listen. When Kakashi was here, he told me something. He told me to get to know the kid. He said we weren't that different. I think I understand what he meant."

"Sasuke." Shikamaru's voice was sharp.

"Seventeen years ago as the humans count. Seventeen years ago, the gods captured the rebellious god and cast him down to Heaven to live as a mortal, until the human died. Surely you felt that power from before. I've been around the Kurayami and if nothing else, they heightened my sensitivity toward power. That power is the strongest in Naruto." Sasuke stood then, still holding his arm tightly with one hand. He kept his eyes on Naruto, ignoring the others. "Naruto. What is Kyu?"

"How the hell do you know that name?" He grabbed Sasuke's free arm and tried to push him back. "How do you know that?"

"Naruto, what was the last thing you remember just before you collapsed?"

"They just walked in."

"Then what?"

"Nothing. I don't remember anything." He trembled, blue eyes widening.

"Exactly. Naruto, I talked to Kyu while you passed out."

"I've gotten worse. It's like before. Just like before." Naruto seemed to pull into himself then, shaking heavily.

"This is why I can't leave him. Kyu is the god that was sealed away. His hatred because of that has destroyed his life. I can't just walk away. He's as big a target as I am. With my powers, they could destroy Heaven. But they would need to take them from me first. If they unleashed Kyu, converted him to their side, there would be nothing you could do to stop him. I'm staying here to protect him."

Naruto's face was covered in tears when he finally looked back at him. He felt that uneasiness from before swell again, and sat down on the couch beside him. He gathered him to his side, letting him cry into his shoulder.

"You can keep watch on us, get a room upstairs or something. Whatever. I'm not leaving and neither is he."

"Yeah. Stay here, Sasuke." Shikamaru was watching this, undisguised surprise on his face. Neji looked as stunned as he did. "We'll look into that. See you soon, then."

They left, Sasuke's eyes following them until they were out the door. He sighed and turned back to the shaking body beside him, at a loss of what to do. Itachi would be better at this comfort thing. He tried to remember back to when he was young and needed his brother's comfort.

-X-

Naruto nearly jumped when he felt a hand petting his hair, and soft reassurances being whispered. He calmed down soon enough, the body he was leaning on very warm. He really wanted to sleep and forget everything. He contemplated just doing it when he remembered something Sasuke had said. Twenty-two hours.

He pulled away, face flaming as he began to notice things about his guest.

"Naruto?"

He looked up, meeting black eyes uneasily. "Yeah?"

"You're going to be fine. I won't let them hurt you." His face was so serious and calm, it reassured him a bit.

"What did you do to end up stuck as a cat?"

"I broke their laws. Some people were killed. I squandered the reviving abilities that are already slipping away. I fought for their enemy."

"Why?"

It was such an innocent question. He knew nothing about the war between Heaven and Hell. The Gods and the Kurayami. The betrayal and the resentment. The injustice and the hypocrisy. Sasuke smirked a bit.

"I'm not sure why. I just thought it was the right thing to do."

"How could betraying your friends be the right thing?"

"The Older Gods have been lying to the population. A lot of the Kurayami don't support the war effort. When Judgment was cast on them, many of them were too young to fight and it was mostly Gods in Heaven against Gods who supported Hell. A lot of the demons didn't even have interest in the war. It was wrong for them to be cast out and neglected when they had no ill will. Only one demon was admitted into Heaven and she was the wife of Heaven's General. Thousands were abandoned because of intolerance.

They cried for revenge and vengeance but not against Heaven. They laid blame where it was deserved. At the feet of their General. I killed him. When I returned, I was punished. I didn't mind then, but now I know. They left me here nearly defenseless with Hell out for blood. My friends can take care of themselves for now."

Naruto was silent as he listened. There was so much to be admired about a man who protected those considered his enemies. For being the God of Hate, Sasuke was surprisingly noble and generous. He smiled at the thought before he looked up. He even saved him from collapsing into himself. Sasuke was a good person, though he tried to hide it.

"Thanks. For saving my life. And for staying here." He averted his eyes, unwilling to meet Sasuke's. Movement caught his eye and his gaze dropped to Sasuke's tail. It flicked back and forth like a metronome. Without thinking, he caught the end, petting it gently. Sasuke gasped beside him. "Sorry!" He pulled his hands back quickly.

"It's...okay." He breathed out in relief, staring at the appendage. "I'm not used to it, is all. I don't normally have a tail and cat ears." He gestured to his head and felt Naruto's eyes land immediately on his ears.

He bit his lip and sat on his hands so he wouldn't grab them. They looked so soft and touchable! Sasuke smirked in amusement as he saw the pleading look.

"You can touch them." He said softly, thinking in the back of his head that this was a real bad idea. "Just this once."

Happiness lit up his blue eyes and Sasuke caught himself before he could smile back. Tan hand immediately flew upwards, but he hesitated.

"It's really okay." He reassured.

"If you say so." Naruto leaned forward, invading his personal space a bit, one hand touching the black cat ear. It was so soft, like silk. He scratched at the base, moving his other hand and petting it too. So soft.

Sasuke was struggling to hold back a purr and soft moan. This felt wonderful. Warmth flooded his veins as he relaxed into the touch.

Naruto smiled down at Sasuke, who had closed his eyes and sighed gently. He looked really relaxed. Probably more relaxed now than he'd ever been before. His eyes inadvertently took this time to realize that no, the change from cat to person had not included clothing. Those thick tendrils seemed more like tattoos than covering and he had been petting the very naked, cat-like person sitting on his couch. He paled.

"Clothes!" He jumped backwards, face burning. "You need clothes!" He ran to his bedroom and slammed the door behind him. Sasuke blinked owlishly after him.


	12. Chapter 12

Yo! I would like to thank all of my patient readers who have not once sent me a complaint for being a lazy bum. This chapter's for you guys. A side note, updating will be very, very slow, as the new school year is dawning. I'm apologizing in advance. I will not abandon this story nor will I slap it on hiatus for longer than two months. I am churning out other chapters. Just very slowly.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or anything affiliated with Naruto. Well, except some manga and anime but I don't make any money from that either. No profit comes from the production of this story and it is strictly for amusement-purposes. Enjoy.

**Chapter Twelve**. In Which Time Flies When You're Having Fun.

Iruka's old black turtleneck fit him really well, he mused as his eyes dropped down to the jeans Sasuke was feeling up. They rode very low to accommodate for the tail, and Sasuke kept petting the material. It was rather eye-opening that a god never heard of jeans yet knew exactly how to work a tv...

Sasuke glanced up at him and he frowned.

"What?"

"Nothing." He shook his head, ignoring the question in favor of another. "What's Heaven like? That's where you live, right? Do people go there, after, you know...?"

"It's very boring, nothing like Earth. The weather's always the same, the people are the same. It gets dull. Other than that," He shrugged. "It's just like Earth, minus the technology. Gods have their own form of communication. And, no. Human souls tend to go wherever they truly want to be. No mortal knows about my home, so no one arrives. I never really thought about if they did know."

He was petting his tail now, letting it slide through long, pale fingers. Naruto grinned, leaning on one arm.

"What did you do all day?"

"I trained, studied and slept. I ate when I felt like it. Other than the war, there isn't much of anything to ever do."

Naruto held back the questions he had about that. He'd already seen a death today and experienced an emotional overload. He could do without the added stress.

Sasuke looked up at the blond. Unlike normally, he didn't feel any need to anger and make Naruto hate him. It was odd. He went out of his way to make everyone else hate him, to feed his powers, and the only ones who had been immune were Kakashi and Itachi. Itachi loved everyone, most especially Sasuke, and Kakashi went out of his way to do the opposite just because. Everyone else, though, was open season. Except him. Sasuke reached above him, slipping his hands into the blond spikes. Naruto glanced down at him, paralyzed by the contact.

"You don't make my powers work right. Do you know that? I don't normally have much patience either." Sasuke frowned up at him. Naruto's blue eyes were wide as he stared down. One of Sasuke's ears flicked, drawing his eyes. Sasuke's hands moved as if they were burned, releasing him.

"How long are you stuck as a cat?" Naruto hesitantly asked, eying the ears with ill-hidden amazement.

"Well, it was fifty years. Now, it's more like sixty. Or until I die ten times. Well, nine, now."

"Why did it change?"

"I'm not supposed to be able to use my powers. This gift I have is a punishment as well. Every time I use it, I add ten years onto my sentence, but I'm still stuck on ten lives. I've lost one of those already. I drowned earlier before you brought me home. When I die the tenth time, I'm going to Heaven to be executed. That was my sentence."

"That's so stupid!" Naruto exploded before he hesitated. "I mean, er."

"It's fine." He waved a hand absently. "I already know. It's the shit end of the stick. Trust me. Live a day as the God of Hate and see if you don't always end up with that end." Sasuke stretched, before smirking. "Not that I mind. I get to turn around and shove it down their throat. A few minutes of disgust in exchange for a lifetime of hatred. Very satisfying."

"You're insane." Naruto laughed a bit into his hand, shaking his head. "I can't believe anyone would go out of their way to make people hate them."

"Well, not everyone hates me. I have quite the fan club." He grimaced. "I guess that's my shit creek."

Naruto just laughed. Sasuke smirked amusedly up at him, glancing over at the wall.

"Are you going to school today?"

"After everything that's happened? Hell no! I can't believe I haven't passed out yet though." He glanced over at the clock. Sasuke only had about nineteen more hours before he was a cat again. He sighed and then yawned. "If I go to sleep, will you still be here when I wake up?"

Sasuke smirked a bit, looking up at him. "Sure. I'm not going anywhere."

"I'll see you when I get up then." Naruto grinned, hastily retreating to his bedroom. His pillow was still a mess, but he grabbed a spare and ignored it. He settled down, forcing his mind away from his guest. He began to count in his head, ignoring everything so he could sleep peacefully for once.

-X-

Sasuke sighed as he heard the door shut. What was wrong with him? What was wrong with the kid? Had he really proclaimed himself the kid's caretaker before Shikamaru and Hyuuga? He groaned. What was he thinking?!

He wasn't really though. He hadn't once sat down and given any of this mess a thought. Damned stupid of him. He knew Hell was hungry for blood yet he basically ignored the warning. His mouth just kept getting ahead of him today.

He couldn't ever remember being this calm around anyone before. It didn't sap his energy like his brother's powers and it didn't anger the voices either. If anything, both his powers and the voices liked the blond. Liked Naruto. He scowled, glaring at the clock face. Kyu was another story; he'd felt drunk when he sapped the energy from Naruto's other personality. The god that was sealed away. How could Naruto stand that?

He couldn't, he realized. That's what he got treatment for. To block Kyu's hatred. He obviously had kept the god silent until Sasuke had shown up. He was the reason Kyu was awakening and terrifying Naruto. But why? Gods didn't affect other gods that way. Unless Kyu's powers were active inside a human body, which they shouldn't be, and his powers were somehow fueled by a god's presence, then he should have remained sealed.

Something was going on here that was grander than his entrapment, Hell's attacks and his own screwed-up powers. His tail twitched as his ears flattened in anger. Something was going on here that centered around that bound god. He could feel it all the way down to the tip of his tail.

-X-

He could hear soft laughter, a cloud of red blocking the bright, unchanging blue sky. A deeper laugh joined it as he caught slender fingers with his own clumsy hands. He felt a brilliant warmth spread through his body as he was cradled to her chest, something inside happy and content. Thin sounds tugged at the edge of his hearing, ignored as the lady laughed again. He squealed with delight as they twirled, the blue steadying in its constancy.

"Naruto!" She said it so sweetly. He felt so safe and happy here with felt his eyes slip closed as she rocked him steadily back and forth, singing under her breath.

-X-

He came awake with a few tears across his cheeks but more content and refreshed than any other sleep. He glanced over at the clock, staring blankly as he did a few mental calculations, guessing that Sasuke had about seven more hours before he would be a cat again. It just seemed so unfair to him.

He padded out to the living room, being extra careful. He stopped as he took in the mess his living room was in. His table was splintered and laying in an ungainly heap. His broken bat was further away. Ramen cups lined the floor. A half drunk glass of milk was inches from a lax hand. Sasuke was stretched out across the couch, pillows thrown off to the floor. He was snoring slightly, tail dangling limp off the couch. A bit of drool traced down to his chin. He was fairly certain that Sasuke had never been caught more undignified than he was right now.

Shaking his head, he began to gather the empty cups to thrown them away. The tv was nearly silent as he cleaned up the small mess. He sighed as he sat on his heels, staring at Sasuke's sleeping face.

Maybe it was fate that landed him as Sasuke's savior when he'd found him nearly drowned in the river. He nearly resented it, as living with Sasuke brought very dangerous consequences, but he couldn't really dislike it. He saved his life after all.

/One that wouldn't be endangered if he had never arrived, if I may remind you./

'Ah. I wondered when I would hear from you, Kyu.'

/I'm never leaving, kit./

'I can hope. You know, I've heard some odd things about you.'

/I know. And to let you in on a secret, they aren't completely correct./

'What? About you being a god?'

/Hn. I find it curious that you don't seem particularly worried./

'Oh, I'm pissed as hell but I'm too happy to let that bother me right now.'

/Such a selfish attitude./

'You're not as loud as you normally are. Are you happy too?'

/Me? Happy?!/ There was manic laughter for a moment. /Kit, I will not be happy until we are separated. And that smug little neko-teme is bleeding at my feet./

'Sasuke makes an impression, doesn't he?'

He didn't receive an answer, only a low growl and the sensation of the voice settling back. Sasuke must have done or said something to get Kyu as worn as he was. Maybe it was because he'd had control over his body? Whatever the reason, he was thankful. The only thing that he truly wished for was Kyu to be silent.

-X-

"And he wanted to stay there?" He asked in disbelief. Of all the possible outcomes he predicted, this one had never even entered the running.

"He's staying. I have had time to recover and I'm still freaked out about this. Isn't it his personal mission in life to be the most hated being alive?"

"Well, yes." Kakashi frowned out the window as he held the phone up to his ear. "I pushed him in the right direction about the kid. He needed to know about that. I'm just surprised he's staying with him."

"He's staying for the god that calls itself Kyu." Neji hissed, viciously throwing a pillow. "He can suck the hate out of him when he possesses the human. It's the only reason he won't listen and let us take him somewhere safe."

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you were worried."

"Of course I am! If he's caught, Heaven falls! You should be busting your ass to try and stop this unholy alliance before it destroys us all!"

Okay, Neji was pissed. Kakashi sighed in a way that would inspire the envy of a martyr.

"Listen, Hyuuga. Sasuke must have his own reasons for staying there. The best we can do now is to protect him. You trained with him so you can understand his personality. Okay, the kid may be running the bases backwards, but that doesn't mean the rules change. Sasuke will still respond to everything the same as he would in Heaven. I'm sure you can manipulate him. Now, about the plan. Just call your relatives, Hyuuga, and have them place a barrier. Get an apartment above them. Just in case."

"Fine."

Shikamaru listened to the steady beep of the disconnected phone call and sighed. "Doesn't anyone say goodbye anymore?"

-X-

"Are you sure this is it?" He looked at the imposing gate slightly nervously before he was pulled inside.

"That's what it says. Come on. The sooner we locate this boy, the sooner we can find Sasuke."

He fluttered a found poster and pulled the scowling Zabuza into the library. Honestly, if he hadn't stayed on top of the human's constantly changing history, they would be so lost right now. He wasn't sure what the Superior was thinking, sending so many demons and lesser djinni out into the human world with no education. It would be his own fault if they were discovered.

He saw Zabuza scout out the library floor as if it were a wooded area filled with hidden bandits. Honestly. Times had changed since Zabuza last globe-trotted.

"Excuse me, miss?" He approached the desk and signaled the attention of the woman behind the counter. "Are there any computers here available for use?"

-X-

"And how sure are you that this is the right Gate?"

"I say fifty-fifty. Are the 'I's supposed to be after the 'V' for eight or before the 'X'?" He glanced over at his companion and met her blank stare.

"You're asking me how to read Roman numerals?" She scowled and tossed her hair. "I'm the Goddess of the Winds, not Minerva."

"You're supposed to be dating the genius though."

"Dating one doesn't mean I am one." She scoffed and heaved the large fan up from the ground. She tested it a few times before nodding. "Let's give it a try, anyway. It's not like we can't come back if it's the wrong one."

He nodded and joined her as she spread her fan and settled on it. It was a tight fit but he wasn't planning on plummeting through the barrier that kept their home secret from the world below. Unlike the gods that lived here, he and Temari had to rely on their own powers to get them safely through this barrier.

"Let's hurry. He could have already found him." He felt a sharp burst of wind jangle Krow and wisely chose to ignore it. He could have convinced her to do this, but not even all his powers as God of Manipulation could convince her his head was more aesthetically pleasing on his shoulders.

-X-

Sasuke came awake smelling the most heavenly scent. It was spicy and pleasant, reminding him of the joyous days after a victorious war and its many offerings. The thousands of years man had lived in comfort of his own sin had gifted Sasuke with such decadent pleasures. There was nothing like feasting on stolen cattle while the prisoners of war looked upon hungrily. Such wonderful days.

His eyes fluttered open as he began to track this scent, stretching and twisting. His tail flickered as he noticed someone had cleaned up after him and felt slightly ashamed. He had accustomed himself to take as many liberties in other's homes as possible, as it made them fuel his inner demon, to use the comparison. Instead of feeling pleased with a job well done, he was surprised to feel guilty even if only in the slightest. Uchihas didn't do guilt. Ever.

"Are you up?"

Naruto's voice made his ears perk up, he noticed slightly irritably. He located the voice in the kitchen, along with that wonderful smell and pursued them.

The blond smiled as he entered the kitchen, replacing the lid to the skillet.

"Hey, you are! Great! I was just coming to get you. Hungry?" Naruto asked, smile bright as he turned toward Sasuke. He hummed his agreement and sat down at the bar, careful to avoid squishing his tail. The blond gathered plates, silverware and glasses from their various cabinets and began to set them at the bar.

Sasuke was fairly quiet as he watched the proceedings. Naruto looked like he'd enjoyed his nap and seemed in far greater spirits than he'd been the last few days. The blond set a glass of milk in front of him and began to spoon his concoction onto the plates. Sasuke's tail flickered and his ears swiveled toward the sound. His nose was twitching and he felt incredibly hungry.

"I don't really have a name for this. It's one of Iruka's family recipes." Naruto set the plate down and Sasuke dug in greedily, ears flickering back in embarrassment as he noticed Naruto wasn't eating yet, but watching him.

"What?" He asked moodily. "I've been eating cat food and tuna since you found me. I'm hungry."

"Do you want other things, instead of cat food?" He asked as he sat beside Sasuke at the bar and, taking up his fork and shoveling some of his food on it.

"I'd like it a hell of a lot more." Sasuke agreed, savoring the taste of real food. It wasn't anything like Heaven, which gradually grew bland after eating the same 'perfect' food day after day. It was slightly over-done in some places, a little undercooked in others and he relished each bite as if it were his last meal.

"Do you think I'll be getting more visits like that one?" He asked a bit nervously. Sasuke tilted his head, ears drooping and then sliding back.

"I'm still here and you've got that god trapped in you, so that's a definite yes. The good thing is, though, that Shikamaru and Hyuuga will have started to set up base here. Don't be surprised when you start to see them everywhere you go. Some others will probably be dropping by as well." He tilted back a bit, looking at the ceiling in contemplation. "Don't worry. Even if Hell gets through all the protections, I'm still here. I'd rather add ten years than be captured."

"Thanks, Sasuke." Naruto smiled a bit, eyes drawn to the ears that perked up cheerfully. "You won't exactly be forgettable though. I mean, with that tail and those ears, if anyone sees you, there will be big trouble."

"I'm pretty good at disguises." Sasuke said flippantly, holding out his plate. "Is there anymore?"

-X-

Naruto bit his lip, glancing at Sasuke. The cat-god seemed content to lie there in silence and watch the TV, but he really wanted to know somethings. He looked up and jerked back, blushing slightly as he noticed that Sasuke was staring at him.

"Uh, yeah?" He asked nervously. Sasuke shook his head and then sat up, brushing a hand through his hair and touching an ear.

"Why... Why are you taking this so well? I've told you things today that should have sent you running for the hills. Demons and Hell truly exist. I was a cat just yesterday. You were almost killed. You're fixing me dinner and taking naps and sitting here quietly as if this stuff is a regular occurrence!"

Naruto's eyes widened at the outburst and Sasuke seemed to realize what he was doing, as he blushed and his ears flickered but he met his eyes confidently. Naruto sighed and brushed a hand against his face, fingers tracing the scars.

"I guess... I... I have a thousand questions... I want to know so much and I still have trouble grasping this... But I saw you become a person in front of me. I saw this disgusting troll-monster try to kill me. I've been hearing this voice in my head for years! If... If this can be real... If I'm not just suffering some hallucination... if this can be real, then it means that I'm not a freak. It means that I'm a normal person!"

He wiped away the tears that had started to gather and smiled at Sasuke with a pained but gentle smile.

"Besides, you said that you would protect me... So I'm not worried. As long as you're here, I'm not worried about any of this."

Sasuke had to avert his eyes quickly. Only Itachi had ever had such complete faith in him and they were blood-brothers. But Naruto... Naruto had faith in him without any of that. He stared at his wavering tail and clenched his fists.

"I'm not sure how often I'll be in this form, but I'll answer whatever questions you have when I am. When you see Shikamaru and Neji again, tell them that I said they need to educate you about Heaven, Hell and the Kurayami. If they're going to be after you, you deserve to know everything that's going on."

"Thanks." Naruto smiled again and then frowned, staring at Sasuke's hand where it rested on the couch. With a flickering look at Sasuke, he warily reached out and took the hand that the beads were wrapped around. "This was around your neck as a cat, too. Is it anything special?"

Sasuke stared at his hand where tanned hands were holding it between them. Naruto's blunt fingernails were haggard and bitten. Anxiety, he mused. His ears flickered as he heard the question and nodded absently, relaxing his hand and loosening his fist. Naruto spun the beads around his wrist.

"It's my life-counter, I guess you could say. It doesn't have a proper name. The red beads are the lives I have left."

"Eight." He touched on and looked at where the pattern dictated there should have been another red. Instead, there was a black bead with a shattered texture, unlike the surrounding black beads. "Did... Did it hurt... when you died?"

"Yeah." Sasuke said quietly. "It felt like I was getting cold and empty. I was hurt so I couldn't swim as well and the water was really cold. I was sinking and couldn't breathe. My lungs were on fire and I couldn't feel my arms. It... It hurts to die... every time."

"Have you died before?"

"Once. Stabbed through the chest. I was resurrected because my powers and soul hadn't separated from my body yet. It is possible for gods to die permanently. When it happens, they are drained of their powers and another god takes them. They usually go to a child, with undeveloped and newly-born powers. I was the God of Hate since birth. The God of Revenge had died on my third year as you would count and his powers found me. Then, I became Hatred and Revenge."

"What if the powers don't find someone?"

"They always find someone. The bad thing is that a god's powers are easily accessible after death and often, their killer claims them."

-X-

Haku stretched his arms above his head. Sitting at the computer, hunched over to type and read, had put his back in all kinds of hell. He winced as the muscles and bones stretched and cracked and sighed when Zabuza's shadow fell over him.

"Are you done? Did you find him?"

"Yes." Haku tapped the screen and pointed out the address. "It's not that far away actually. We could get there tonight."

"No. The address is enough. We'll have to alert Kisame and Suigetsu, set up a stakeout. We have to know what kind of protection he's got and we've got to know if the human knows about him yet. There are others searching for him. We may not be the first visitors they get."

"I'll print this stuff off and we'll take it back to the building. Can you contact Kisame and Suigetsu and have them meet s there?"

"It's done." Zabuza nodded and followed Haku's slight form as they headed for the front desk. A casual wave of his hand and the patrons forgot they had ever been here at all. It was best not to leave even a lingering memory behind.

-X-

Gaara tilted his head back, breathing in the air. It was thick and foul, full of pollution and smoke. There were other scents as well, sweat, blood, chemicals, grass, dirt and water. He could hear so many things. It was too much and yet... It felt empty, in a way, and a little muted. Underneath all those smells and sounds was another sense. Like a siren's song, it called for him, called to his blood. It washed everything else out.

His red hair hung lank and he deemed that it needed cut. He'd need clothes, as he was certain that the garb of the lower realm wasn't casual wear here. He needed to look the part, blend in with the human scum here, if he wanted to heed that calling. His sand was spilled around him, the large gourd on his back empty still. It was easier to find his way around as a raccoon than in his current state. These humans didn't pay any attention to animals.

He let the sand wash over him again, covering his arms and legs. It gathered around his torso and climbed higher to cover his head. His form melted and shrunk until he was again a sandy, tawny-colored raccoon-dog. He squeezed his way between a building and a narrow alley and ran, catching a breath of the woodland. He'd make a nest somewhere out there and he'd begin to hunt.

That smell was in this city, somewhere not too far. The calling was ever-louder and he craved to hunt it down.


End file.
